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I've decided .. That this would be the

very last entry. Hindi na po ako

magbo-blog online till the time being..

I've decided to let this blog go na rin.

Call me crazy, ngunit kasi, I want to

start a new, and I think this blog is

somewhat of a "past" thing that will

burden me.. I want to start a new story in

my life, so I'm ending this beautiful

book.

I really want to start a new. Though I can

feel my heart crumple into pieces right

now, I want to start a new life, new me. I

really do...

Now, I can feel my heart piercing, torn

into pieces, bruised. And I'm.. nursing my

heart by trying to be calm. As much as

possible, I'll refrain myself from crying

too much...... From now on I'll be strong

and responsible.. I do hope I achieve all

these goals. I'm quite tired of

everything.. But I have to stand firm. Ang

dami pang years ahead of me.. So kailangan

kong mabuhay at maging malakas para ma

endure ang iba pang experiences na sasabak

sa buhay ko..

Thank you for this wonderful opportunity.

I close this book now.

Thank you all for reading.

Take care.

Goodbye.

He Got Checked.. - During my enrollment, an attractive young accountant was the one initiating the Assessment. According to my mother's instructions, I should tell the accountant that he/she would write down the amount on the check. Unfortunately he made an erasure. I told him if it's okay and he nodded. Then I just found out from the other girl accountant that my check was void because it was, well, ALTERED. My dad had no choice but to go to my school to fix the check issue. At first I felt REALLY bad for that attractive guy accountant (I often see him in school, he's with the Pep-Squad..) and I saw him again, but this time, he dissappointed me by altering my check. I felt furious, I wasted my time because of his stupid mistake. But then, I realized that.. It was partly my fault. If I only knew those check issues.. I should have been the one who wrote down the amount, so that they won't blame it on him, but on me instead. I felt bad.. I felt.. Guilty again. Why is guilt so necessary in my life at the moment? What's with the sensation of Guilt? Do people enjoy guilt? Goodness.. Well I'm trying to forget what happened, and I DO hope he does too. And I hope they don't scold him or punish him. It was.. My fault. (It has always been, but I didn't know, I was just following orders.. Sigh ..)

Pinoy Big Burgers? - actually, No. They aren't "big". Ate lunch at Burger King after enrollment, and I got this burger 2/4 size of my whole hand, SO SMALL MAN. Like, Philippine burgers just keep on getting oh-so teeny-weeny.. Para akong kumain ng Pandesal na sinaksakan lang ng Pechay at Tomatoes at breaded chicken. It had fried and a drink, P81 in all. Well thought so hard, really.. Pano naging P81 ang kapiranggot na meal na yun?

Learn from the Old - Went to this house, where the son and daughter of famous artist, Diosdado Lorenzo, lived. It had paintings everywhere.. Nice. So vintage.. and Old. My dad was scanning Lorenzo's articles and magazine clips (he already died, but he's SO great in painting..) Then afterwards, the son (he's old already..) was talking about Politics and Philippines today and all the other Filipino stuff and my dad was buying it so they engaged into deep conversation. And REALLY I was listening (wow that's new..) But no really, I thought the topic was interesting and practical. I couldn't help but think that, if only people would learn from good Old people, and not the BAD old people. Seriously, you can learn A LOT from Good Old People. Really.. Very interesting..

My heart...I came home, and I felt that my heart was rushing, like it was being squeezed... Or let's say.. Thumped by some huge hammer.. I thought I was so nervous. But Nervous of What? Oh yes, I thought, nervous of HiS email. I wanted to check my mailbox as soon as possible, coz my heart won't stop beating in a violent way. I was so ...... so... Frightened of the possibility that.. I would be dissappointed again. I mean.. My day was a semi-wreck coz of the enrollment.. But well going to the Great Dionisio Lorenzo's house was fulfilling.. Then again, when I came home.. there goes my heart beating like mad! Right now I am insisting that this sensation is based on MY own personal meaning, like, I AM the one who puts meaning to what's happening to me. But.. It's as if I couldn't BREATHE just figuring out if my theory's right or wrong. And, well I'm chickening out, actually (wow new word, 'chickening'..) This is NOT good.. I am.. Feeling reckless darn it! I HAVE TO KNOW if he connected to the internet TODAY! WHAT AM I A STALKER?? MY GOODNESS WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?????

MY HearT is acting weird tonight.

P.S. I said "Bad trip.." and it actually sounded like someone's name.... AGH!!!!! THIS IS MAKING ME CRAZYYYYY! ( T_T)

P.P.S. MY HEART is , I think, affecting the connection of this LAPTOP AND I THINK THIS IS A SIGN THAT I SHOULD BACK OFFFF????? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? IT'S GETTING PRETTY HOT, I FEEL HOT, NO! MY ... MY.. MY BREATH.. I CAN'T BREATHE! MY HEART!!!

MY HEART'S ALL OVER ME? Am I succombing to the power of the heart? EEW ANG KORNY! PERO TAENA BA'T DI AKO MAPAKALI?????? AKO LANG BA TO? OO LEN, IKAW NGA LANG. PERO PERO PERO PERO PERO....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!~

And I think the INternet is evil. EViiiiLLL! And I think I will be the one who's gonna kill all the computers here in the house, because of the Internet... EVILLLLLL.. GUILT AGAIN...... NOOOOOOOOO ! NO MORE SUFFERING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My sister asked me why I sent him a very long email. She told me that I didn't have to explain too much.

"Galit na nga yung tao sayo, tas pababasahin mo pa ng mahaba... Guys don't like girls na maraming satsat..."

(>_<)

parang feeling ko mali mali nanaman ginawa ko. Hay pero sabi nya hayaan ko na raw.

Pero sabi naman ng friend ko, sobrang TAMA lang daw yung ginawa kong Long email, kasi na express ko naman yung gusto kong sabihin..

Haaaay Pat......

Chineck ko yung grades ko kanina at 2.18 yung Genera; Average ko. Wow ang baba men... Pero thankful na rin ako na ganon.. Huhuhu.... Pero mas makakayanan ko pa naman e kung nagchaga ako .. Haaay.

Haaay Pat..........

Tas sira ang comp. Buti na lang bait bait ng dad ko, iniwan nya yung laptop nya na nakabukas. HUHUHHU baet.

At nagdadaldal lang ako dito. La ng katapusan.

( -_-)

Oh yeah diba I cut my hair. Yehey kasi.. HItomi mode nanaman ako. Hahahaa. Mejo... Hair grows.....

sira ang comp.

sira ang comp pero di naman ako gaanong affected sa pagkawala nito..... sana hindi mabura ang mga files ko. more than 4 years na rin ata yung files ko... dami nun.. mp3's, word files, webpages, pictures, programs.. memories.. hehehe. pero let Your will be done..

nag-ayos ako ng gamit, dahil gusto ko ng aayos yung kwarto ko. Sinabi ko pa sa sarili no ko na aayusin ko ang gamit ko to prove my love for someone. Odiba ang corny.. Siguro nag-isip lang ako ng "initiative" para maayos ko na talaga ang gamit ko. Or paga I really wanted to test myself talaga kung totoong.. Mahal ko siya. Hehehe pero, daanan ba sa pag-ayos ng gamit? Bakit ko nagawa yun? Ba't ko naisipang gawin yun.. Ehehe tanga-tanga..

(fiddling my fingers..) Soo..

( -_-)

Sira ang comp. At ang boring. Msyado na kasi akong attached sa computer e. Awww. Masyado ng mechanized ang utak ko. Oooooh wow ano ako robot? Hindi. Android. Oooooh wateber..

Sira ang comp.

Sira ang comp.

Sira ang comp.

( -_-)

Salamat sa aking mga matatalik na kaibigan at sa ateh ko na rin for helping me out. Life's tough. So easy easy goody-goody na lang muli ako. That's the best thing, I'll just see what'll happen. I can't blame the guy if he's angry.. Pero kung wala pa talaga.. Kakausapin ko na talaga ng masinsinan. I want to clear things out..

So.... I haven't recieved any "paramdam" yet.. Let's see, shall I give a deadline? Ano kaya kung.... up until New Year's Eve kaya? Bago mag 2006.. Sa November, or baka next week, magsesend na ako ng email sa kanya, I'll ask him kung galit ba sha or what, coz I feel na he's rejecting me, hiding, I dunno. I'm like this vicious monster SO BAD.. Well I'll talk to him through email. Then kung wala akong na recieve na kahit ano up until New Year's eve, then THAT'S IT. Finitto. Fin. Tapos. Wala na. Entiendes. Vamos. Ehehehe. I'm serious.. Call me crazy but I need a freaking answer. I don't really know kung sino may kasalanan kahit feel ko ako talaga, cge na, take the blame on me. Pero ang pakialam ko lang talaga is.. Get things straight, and tell him I love him pala at sobrang miss na miss na miss na miss ko na siya.. Miiiiissss ko na sha.

Sigh, magsasalita pa ba ako dito sa entry na to? Magta-type pa ba ako?

I really miss that weird guy. I read the kinds of Fish, lam mo ba yun? Sana nga masabi ko sayo e. Sorry dito ko lang nasasabi. I don't have the courage yet.. Pero ayun, binasa ko yung mga iba't ibang species ng Fish. Grbeh bilib din ako sayo, ang hilig mo talaga. Ako kasi parang inaantok talaga ako hahahahaha. Pero I dunno, willing ako matuto non coz I think it's interesting. Really.. Kaya magre-research ulit ako mamaya.. Pero konti lang. Nakakantok talaga yung iba hahahaha!

Haaay. Fish..

At haaaay. Patrick G. Sorry talaga sa ginawa ko. Hope I get the courage to email you soon coz that's the only thing I could contact you in. Haaay. I wish you're doing well wherever you are, saang kweba ka man.. Hope you're eating well, sana masaya ka kahit wala ako sa utak mo, AYUS LANG, basta I always keep the rosary you gave me. Dahil dun sa rosary mo, pumasa ako. Yun yung pinandasal ko hahahahaha! Pramis, effective. Dama ko ang power hahaha ni Alucard. Hahahaaha wow ironic. Tapos.. Nasaakin pala ang clearance mo. If ever kitakits tayo, bibigay ko na lang sayo

TEKA LANG PARANG KAUSAP KO SHA A. Hello..

Sa email na lang. Soon.

NAIINIS NA AKO SAYO! >=(

Okay I feel like you're laughing now. And I'm, yes, stupid na ako. Ahahaha, pa testi testi pa ako sayo and all. Well I'm planning to give you another one, if you don't mind. OH NOTHING, I just don't know what to tell you kasi e, so I'm just gonna give you another lyrical testi. I hope you like it..... ( -_-)@@@@@@@@

Why why why why why......

This is fun, the head spinning, and the nausiating pressure and not to mention.. What?????? THE PAIN? Wheeee I love it. So now i'm gonna look up for the lyrics now

HOPE YOU LIKE IT WHICH I'M SURE YOU WON'T COZ YOU'RE IN YOUR CAVE Ooooohhhhhh SO DARK, You're just THERE in your SPACE, your AREA AND GOD KNOWS WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN UP TO EVER SINCE YOU LEFT... LEFT.

I'm going mad. All this because of you....

no.. hindi pala.

ako.....

AKO ANG MAY KASALANAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lord..

I WILL DIE OF GUILT NOW.

So Long and Goodnight. Yata.



( >_<) RRRRRRRRRRRrrrrr!

dun naman kasi ako magaling sa pakapaln ng mukha e at todo lantaran. Kailangan ko na talagang i-spil (bago magising si ermats/erpats at tawagin na ako para matulog na.. punta pa akong uste super aga..)

MAHAL KITA UO!

di ko alam
pero
naiiyak ako pagka naaalala ko ang ginawa ko noon..
sa'yo
and now I'm the one suffering.
so I'll just be waiting around like a BAKA no K'SO
pretend like I'm happy and all
but really, am not
coz you're gone..
or acting gone..
(nge baka wala ka lang talagang internet and all.. wakarimash'ta ..

but you know, after saying this here? In public? Nothing's gonna change, and nothing good'll happen to me. That's good, right? When I love someone, I disregard myself. But wait a minute, I'm SO hurting right now, and yesterday, and the previous days (when I get the opportunity to indulge myself into the realm of superb anguish and esoteric pain..) oh God!

UO! IF YOU'RE READING THIS (w/c doubt ur reading) PLEASE MAGPAKITA KA NA? Nababaliw na talaga ako.. Gusto lang talaga kitang makita, kahit ONCE ka lang lumabas sa kweba mo.. at magpakita.. sa'kin, sa'min.... or basta pakita ka lang. Lord sana makita ko na sha Lord, pero let you're will be done.. HuHu! UO

(sensha na di ko pwede masabi pangalan mo ngayon di dahil sa nagbabakasakali ako sa nararamdaman ko para sayo, pero blog issue lang WAPOW kabaliwan na itu..)

PAKITA KA NA PLEASE pero ayus lang kung ayaw mo. Okay lang. Sigh* Hirap naman ng buhay na may dala kang pagsisisi OO..

( T_T) kakaluha!

kahit isang beses lang...

Uo....

Uo....

Uo........

Sakana.......

o sha yun lang. Kahit hindi ko na spil 100%, ganon talaga e. Girl-miserable.


P.S. Lam mo.. naisipan kong pag-aralan ang favorite animal mo, para in-case na magkikita tayong muli, marami tayong pag-uusapan, aside from the "same old" . What do you think? Babawi ako sa'yo.. Promise.. Sana..... ( -_-) ( ^_^)

..and this time, i lost 3 to 4 inches of hair length, and I-Did-it-All.... Yikes. When my mom saw my hair, she was totally speechless. She wanted me to have long hair. I just told her "Ma, don't worry, hair grows! Hair grows.."

Well it's not quite what I've expected, but my hair turned out A-Ok I guess. I know it's so ugly. I looked into the mirror many times and fiddled my hair endlessly just so I could find the right fashionable look.. But oh well..

Why DID I cut my hair? Again?

Well the last time I cut my bangs, the reason was because I was, pretty much, sad.

And now I cut my HAIR, so that's a big difference.. like 3-4 inches! So does that mean I'm REALLY sad? And I'm REALLY THAT into CHANGE? Again???

I'm not getting anywhere, am i?

( -_-)???

Sigh*

(di pa rin nya na-che-check.. sigh* sinabi ng baraha sakin na tantanan ko na rin sha kahit past is past WHAAAAA.. tas sabi ng cards papasa raw ako. ( T_T) mamaya ko na malalaman ang ... Mangyayari sa'kin.)

Alam nyo, sobrang ganito na lang ba ka Miserable ang buhay ko? Tanong lang..

++++++++At oo sasabihin mo sakin na maraming nagmamahal sa'kin tulad mo. Oo salamat, appreciated ko yun. Pero sana maintindihan mo na kahit anong gawin ng tao sakin, kahit ano.. Ako lang din naman ang tanging makakatulong sa sarili ko e.

At buong buhay ko ng inaahon ang sarili ko sa emosyonal na kahirapan. Ugh.. Wala na ba talagang katapusan ito?

At etong leche.. Lecheng pagsisisi... Isa nanaman ba itong tinatawag na..

Phase?

Ayyy, at ang grado ko bukas. Wish ko lang talaga, na papasa ako sa lahat ng subjects ko. Pasensha na Lord, pinagchachagaan nyo ang isang A.D.D. na tulad ako. Ay mali nga pala, may chaga naman kayo talaga e. Ako lang lumalayo sa inyo .... Mahal ko kayo Lord, salamat.

Teka napalayo na ata sa buhok ko a. Yung sa, paggupit ko ng buhok....

Oo.

Ginupit ko ang buhok ko dahil

dahil....

..dahil..

...

dahil............

...

sa....

..........

UO.

.

( T_T) . . .... ..

.