Elena-Ranting 2: "Parang.."
POSTED AT 10:37 PM

elenahitomi

Kani-kanina lang, parang ang lungkot ng 'feel'. Nung dumungaw ako sa mga clouds, nawala yung araw at biglang kumulimlim. Mejo umabon ng unti tapos kumulimlim lang. Mahangin din. Nakikita ko mga puno nagsu-sway. Napaisip ako na parang ang lungkot ng araw.

Salamat at nagkita kami ng aking bouncy friend. Salamat kaibigan at nandon ka. Marami tayong na i share sa isa't isa. Marami rin akong natutunan mapa gago man o seryoso. I missed our chit-chats and I sure hope mauulit muli ahaha! Punta ako sa skul mo? Bahala na! Ehehe..

Habang nagkukwentuhan kami ni bouncy frend, may naisip ako e. Ano kaya kung mas magsalita ako sa journal ko? Tutal kaya nga tinawag itong blog kasi blog nga, sharing of thoughts, etc. E yung aking dakilang kaibigan, ubod sa pag share ng kanyang mga saloobin. Ako 50% lang ata e. Ano kaya kung itodo ko? Bahala na noh kung sino man ang matamaan o matawa o mawirduhan. Pero teka, meron namang "Private" mode pag mag po post ng blog. Ahaha! Peor pano kung gusto ko ipamahagi? I share? O diba ang labo ko na. Ano.. bahala na talaga. Pinagiisipan ko na ngayon e. Sarap rin magladlad online. Iba ang feeling kasi pag nag post ka ng entry online at yung kapag offline lang na pang private mode o di kaya yung mga journal notebooks lang.

Mashado kasi akong proud kahit papano. Kahit sabihin ng iba na mabait ako, proud ako in a way. Cguro lahat naman tayo proud e. Sakin, iba lebel ko sa pagiging proud. Ngayon, hindi ko ma explain kung anong specific pride ang meron ko. Iba't iba kasing type yun e. Next time kapag maalala ko, share ko.

Kailangan na rin mag-aral. Kahit tinatamad na talaga ako, kailangan kong isipin na hindi ako pwedeng mag summer o ireg. SObrah.

Lintek na Ballroom yan. Sa susunod na P.E. ko, sinusumpa ko. AYOKO NA NG MGA INDOOR P.E.. They're nice and all, but I don't like the concpet wherein we have to be grouped then we have to practice kasi may finals, whatever. Personally, I think it's so lame and unpractical. E Changina andaming ginagawa e. Tapos tipong mga kagrupo ko pa changina ibang kurso. Like I have to cope up with their sked pa. Tapos kung nde ako makakapunta, sila pa magagalit sakin na nde raw ako responsable. Hwow whatta support a. Salamat. Buti nd eko kayo classmate. Sarap i disown mga yon e. Pero pis tayo! Saya nyo naman kasama e. Hehe labu nun a! Nyehehehe..

Finally, pasulat sulat ako lately sa mga tables sa aming classroom, nag va vandal. Kung ano anong mga lyrics ng kanta ang pinagsususulat ko e. Gusto ko lang maging pasaway at mag express ng sarili ko through Vandalism. Ganon pala iyon noh? Artist nga.

Baka sa susunod na post, baka mag todo na ako. Para maiba naman kasi e. Mas masaya kapag personal. Mas personal. Ma try. Hanggang sa muli! Gudlak sa finals! ( ^_^) Currently listening to: I Have Become what I've Always Hated.mp3
Currently feeling: weird

Elena-Ranting 3: "Ngayong gabi.."
POSTED AT 12:33 AM

elenahitomi

nag-iisip-isip lang naman ako. ehehehe......

- ~ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + ~ -

since two or so weeks ago, I think I've changed. Two weeks ago, my friends found me utterly moody. I told them that the reason for it was because I was just tired and I slept late. Though, I didn't mention to them that I was tired.. of everything.

- ~ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + ~ -

If only I could tell that one person, whom I consider as distinct and different fromt the rest, just how I feel. I've grown hesitant fearing the worst. Coz I just don't want to be lonely, that's why I keep on moving backwards. Sometimes I think that I might have done things in an over exaggerated manner. Would they all blame me for finding security, happiness and joy? Sometimes people do crazy things when they feel something different. And also I've become hesitant, fearing of what others might say or what might that person say or react right after a deliberate expression of freedom. Rejection, pity, and defeat are such sad words that can pierce the heart more than a meer physicality of a needle's pointed edge. But then again some say life is risky and better do it and just see if it works out right. If it doesn't then atleast I tried. But as for now, I'll just concentrate on the more important things. My mind tells me that I should study and avoid my aimless wandering on false hopes. But then something else tells me I should still hold on. It's so hard listening to those voices, those thoughts, those schizophrenic migranes. Sigh* what should I do? Nothing. To tell you the truth, I've had it with just feeling stupid and hoping and wishing. I know my eerie feeling towards him still remains, even just a little, but I don't know if it will end or won't. Well I want it to be him, but outside factors can be such a drag, like Time. I dunno..... I've got so much more to say but I am too sleepy to evein type. Till the next time. Currently listening to: Funeral for a Friend - Novella

Reality bites? No it kills. (hehe!)
POSTED AT 01:49 AM

elenahitomi

My Friend Just Turned 18 and more....

Nag attend ako ng debut ng friend ko na si Olie. Taga Brent sha so yung mga classmates nya di hamak mga inglesero't inglisera but it was all good. Andon din yung mga kakilala ko. It was fun. Busog ako sa food. Nag-hire pa sila ng German chef for the cousine. Saya din ng debut. Formal pero saya. Happy Birthday Olie! Wish you all the best and hope to see you soon a? Hehe.

Another day has passed and I'm still thinking of him... Kahit anong gawin kong limot, kahit magdrama na ako na wala na akong nararamdaman, e parang ayaw naman mawala e. Kahit nasa debut na ako at kahit puro kagwapuhan ang mga lalake dun aka mistiso, koreano, united colors of benetton na, fly-boys etc, e sha naman ang iniisip ko. Wala rin. Matagal tagal pa ata bago mag move on pa ako. Pero sa ngayon mas makabubuti na maging matalik kaming magkaibigan.

Pero tingin ko sa pagiging friends, mahirap din mangyari yon. Bihira lang kami magkita. Tapos maiilang din ako minsan kasi nahihiya ako gumalaw baka ma mis interpret lang ako. Okay sana outside factors pero yung tama lang. Pag sobra, hirap gumalaw. Alam na kasi nya e. Ako wala akong kaalam alam. Andaya nga e. Haha..

Pero alam nyo, kahit ganon, masaya ako pag kasama siya. Kahit gano kasaglit lang ang moment na makasama sha, satisfied na ako. Makita ko lang mukha niyang wirdo na patawa tawa.. Hehe natutuwa na rin ako. Somehow I feel secured.. Marami ngang nagsasabi sakin kung ano ba nakita ko don. Kahit ako hindi ko sila mabigyan ng satisfying answer, pero lagi kong sinasabi na baka dahil sa nakikita ko ang kalooban niya. Personally natatawa ako sa rason na yon e, pero baket ko kaya nasasabi yon?

Hehe nakakamiss naman... Namimiss ko na yung time na una ko pa lang siya nakilala. At yung mga days after. Masaya pa yon until I ruined it all kasi mashado akong madrama. Madali lang ako ma shock at ma praning kaya't nagkaganon. At that time hindi pa rin ako natuto: naghahanap pa. Ngayon mejo nag mature na ako. Aral muna, chaka na yun. Mashado naman akong nagmamadali. Mashado kasi akong wirdo. Okay na sana, panira lang ako. ( >_<) Mashado akong wirdo. Mashadong sobrah. Ehehehe.

Ngayon.. Matutulog nanaman ako at baka siya naman ang nasa laman ng utak ko. Natatawa nanaman ako basta't isipin ko lang ang realidad na iyon, pero wala akong magagawa, reyalidad ko na yun. Alam ko in time pwedeng mawala to na parang bula, baka may ma realize ako. Pwede rin na forever ko na alng sha iisipin, forever ako maghahanap ng spark of hope na parang naghahanap ng needle sa hay stack. SIgh*, pero today is today. Right this instant and a few minutes after when I will lie down to sleep, magiging malungkot nanaman ako mejo. Iisip-isipin ang mga bagay bagay. Aside from school etc, sha.

Andami naman sa CFAD bat sa ibang eskwelahan pa talaga e noh? E kung hindi ako nagbanda, hindi ko sha makikilala, and then by that time sinagot ko na yung classmate ko na nanligaw sakin. Bat kaya nangyari yun saken? Ahaha. Ang reyalidad tlga.. Nakakapraning.. nyohoho. Gusto ko ulet siya makita. Mag-isa nanaman ako pupunta sa kanya. Ako nanaman ang kusang magpapakahirap partially, para lang makita siya. Ika nga: you do crazy things when you're in love. Well dati in love na ata ako. ngayon baka hindi muna. lagi na lang ako inlove. ibahin ko naman ngayon. operation manhid na ba itu? ahaha... ako lang naman kasi mahihirapan kapag mas iniisip ko. bahala na..

Hmm sana nag-eenjoy sha sa buhay nya. Wish ko lang sana madalas ko shang kasama para makita ko nanaman ang kanyang walang katapusang pagtawa. Marinig ang napakababa nyang boses. Makita ang wirdong mukha nya AHAHA! Tsk tsk..

Sigh* .. reyalidad....

Currently listening to: Funeral for a Friend - Red is the New Black
Currently feeling: worried

Elena-Ranting 4: "Dishes.."
POSTED AT 12:55 PM

elenahitomi

Nakakapawalang ganang mag hugas ng pinggan. Pero once na nag start na ako, nag eenjoy na ako. ( ^_^)/

Since nung "Hikari" video ni Utada Hikaru kung san naghuhugas lang sha ng pinggan habang kumakanta (oo yun lang music vid nya, naghuhugas ng pinggan..) e I thought that washing the dishes was fun. And it's a fact coz I can relate.

Bakit nga ba?

1) I see those dirty sticky food substances in plates and bowls. I wash them with my hands. Yes it's yucky and all, but I think it's just fine. Food particles aren't dirty. They're not these microbial fungul bacteria that can harm people. It's food.
2) Then, I start to put JOY Dishwashing liquid (J-O-Y! Joy in my heart... Haha! Deep deep down in my heart! Korny!!!!) into this old sponge and start to lather up some foam on to the plates and bowls and glasses. I like soaping coz everything is covered with foam. It's just like scrubbing a baby in it's kiddie bath. Fun!
3) Lastly, I rinse. My favorite part. Rinsing the soap off the plates gives me a sense of happiness coz the plates are now squeaky clean and crystal clear AHAHA!! Nice! Hindi nga!

Why again?

Well, aside from the normal dishy-wishy-washy cliche, I find dishwashing as a form of just relaxing my head and just do nothing but think of nice things. Yef! As a matter of fact, when I'm all alone with the plates and the soap, my mind just loves to wander and think of oh-so pretty, comfy things and stuffies! Hoho! Like, just a few moments ago, while I was soaping, I was thinking of my friends, I was thinking of school, I was thinking of myself. There were also not-so-darn pleasant thoughts like school when it gets complicated, problems, etc. But the thing is, whether pleasant or not, I'm SO filled with friggin THOUGHTS! They come in variety like jellybeans in a small jar. Ohoho!

Whoo! I really gotta hand it to dishwashing for opening my eyes to new day? Ahoho! Anlabo naman..

So more or less, I love washing the dishes especially when I'm into it. Nyahaha! ( ^_^)v

Ang wird noh? Talaga! Belat na lang! Ahehe! ( ^_~)v Currently listening to: Armor for Sleep - My Town
Currently feeling: contemplative

Salamat !
POSTED AT 01:13 PM

elenahitomi

Everyone feels despondent at times and you are no exception. You are feeling so depressed because it seems that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and you don't quite know which way to turn. So like the proverbial ostrich you are trying to bury your head in the sand. But that won't work - you have to face reality.

You are very talented, imaginative and sensitive but you are holding back as you do not really like going it 'on your own'. In preference you would like to team up with someone, someone with similar attributes as your own, to explore - to seek out and go perhaps 'where no other man has gone before'. It is the unusual that attracts you and which will give you a sense of excitement and adventure.

It's the time of year that you are apt to become extremely restless and emotionally withdrawn. This is preventing you from becoming deeply involved with a person or persons within your sphere of influence. If you are willing to 'let go' and release your inhibitions you will find that a great deal of physical satisfaction will result, far more than perhaps you even believed you were capable of.

All the distress and agitation is the result of attempting to avoid any form of stimulation or excitement. The situation in which you find yourself at this time is one of hostility and therefore you are under considerable pressure. You are very irritable and prone to angry outbursts. You are in a mental quandary and you could be experiencing physical problems.You are very distressed by the apparent hostility of everyone around you and you feel coerced and subjected to intolerable pressures. You are resentful of what you regard as unreasonable demands on you but the situation is such that you feel powerless to control it and at this time you just don't know 'which way to turn'.

You are completely worn out - physically and mentally - and it has got to the stage where 'you don't want to participate anymore'. You are in fact experiencing what is known as 'burnout' and your reaction is such that you feel that everyone is against you yet you still seem to refuse to listen to reason. You are hostile, bitter and indignant. You insist that you want and are entitled to your own way - well maybe you are, but your attitude is not conducive to making friends. Take it easy. Let go and get back into the World.

http://colorgenics.com Currently feeling: blah

'I'm standing outside now...'
POSTED AT 03:21 AM

elenahitomi

3:15 am. This computer’s beside the sofa, so anytime I can just rest my body to sleep. A few hours ago, I did just that. Again my body succumbed to the “rest” mode. I was supposed to study for a Unit Test but then I was just too darn tired. Yeah, too darn tired, but then I used up the Internet again and did nothing but chat. Well, I did some school stuff, but then, I didn’t have to chat. Ergh.. Anyway… Going back to today… This moment… Thank God I’m awake. Give me the strength to study! I haven’t been studying for pete’s sake. Sigh* I hope I can answer something later…

Yesterday, I asked Mico to buy me My Chem Romance cd. Upon reaching home, my ears were itching to hear it. I played it right away, curious of what “Helena” might sound, curious of what my name would sound (Elena is the Spanish/Russian word for Helena/Helen, ehehe some trivia there..) and in the brink of boredom, my face was in question “Ano to?” HAHA! Didn’t I just NOT loved it. Well maybe because I just played up to two tracks and I was kind of irritated, thinking it’s a rip off on Mars Volta & The Used or something. But then Nico told me it was okay, let me hear track 5, and it was all good. But I’m still not feeling it. Ohoho! Bad me.. Ergh I wasted my 40 bucks on this?? Hehe Nah just kidding. It’s all good. You know me I’ll come around appreciating bands one day, one week or month at a time.

Now, now, now, I am supposed to quit this and review! What the heck am I still doing inputting this eh? Whoooooo! So much to express… Well it’s next time again.



“I promise to stop now… Things can’t be perfect all the time that I know. Sometimes we just have to let some things go… Letting go is my life. I’ll be on my way…”



“I’m standing outside now, no one’s around. It’s so cold, my lips are numb. I’ll sit on the front steps and wonder if I will completely freeze out here.”




“This planet wasn't made for me. All of you live so easy. I lay outside and up I stare my home is in the void up there...”




“This is the end of keeping it in, they'll all know how I feel...”



..........................................

Currently listening to: A f S
Currently reading: PostModernism, 1980's, Japanese Industrial Design

Aray, dugo...
POSTED AT 09:01 PM

elenahitomi

I was cutting a piece of wooden ring in half. I could sense and feel the friction between the cutter and wood. It was as if the wood was about to flare any second. I was cutting with all my energy and might when my hand slipped out of balance, cutting my left index finger. Oooooh! It was hot and SO painful. The blade seeped right through the skin, about a milimiter deep. Blood coming out of my skin, oh man. I could feel the pain rushing from every finger vain. So painful, like thousands of ants biting and munching away. That was earlier. Now, the wound starts to heal, thank goodness. But it's still a hassle coz it's still aching.

Nice! Here are some cds I got this week. Quite a good bunch, I daresay. Senti mode muna... Nyahaha! Anong senti? Well halo halo e.. Here...

nice ba? ehehe...

1 more week to go tapos wala ng pasok. Awwwwww mamimiss ko mga classmates ko. (T_T) iyak na ako! (T_T) la na rin akong baon! ahaha! Band praktis na itu. Can't wait. Beach na itu! WHAAAA pantay skin mode na! bibili na ako ng swimsuit na bikini? Nde nga! Balak kong bumili tlga, meron akong nakita, 300 lang! Tas Bikini tapos instead na thong, shorts. Okay ba? NYAHAHA! Andami ko ngang gusto bilhin e. Gusto ko life time supply ng internet card kasi bakasayon na. Since wala ng pasok, la na ring baon, kaya ayun. Pero bahala na. Okay inaantok na ako. Need some rest.. Sigh* 1 week to go... (ANUBAYAN DARYL PALUMBO SIGAW KA NG SIGAW!!! Uhm cge pagpatuluy lang...) Ahaha, Glassjaw.... Magaleng talaga.......

.....................................

Currently listening to: Audio Karate & Glassjaw
Currently reading: will read.. HoD coz BOKYA AKO DON! SHYET!

Elena-Ranting 5: "Stress and more stress..."
POSTED AT 10:10 PM

elenahitomi

Ahahahaha!

Q: Why is it that everyone, or say, almost everyone is hot tempered today?

A: "MALAY KO BA??" But the clear thing that's circulating around the UST environment is stress, stress and stress. Nagsigawan na kami't lahat, nag-away na, raised our voices, debated endlessly, raised our voices, truly... Coz we were just darn tired! We were just almost fed up with all the darn-whole 2nd-sem commotion. Popping brain cells exploding like wild jellybeans. Sigh* "Kapagod..." We were downright aggrevated, hopelessly felt hopeless (yes what a redundant thing to say..) Even I can't rwrite a decent entry. What a shame...

Q: What are you doing?

A: Well! I'm online and resting... And I'm also typing this Philippine Art research paper due tomorrow coz we're such infamous crammers, we just love procastination (sigh*..) I'm still not finished. After this I have to stay up coz I have to study! Endless studying! Endless work! What the heck is happening to us my friends? What is THIS? AHAHAHAHA! NAHIHILO NA AKO!!!!

Q: Why don't you sleep now so that everything will go away, all the hardships and tired emotions...

A: TANGA KA PALA E! SHEMPRE NDE PWEDE! Ehehe.. well I can't afford to dilly-dally and all. Last week na ngayon tapos sesemplang pa ako. Wow. Ang mature ko naman grbeh... I have to set all good and decent things straight for pete's sake! Goodness give me the strength, uhgh..

Q: .................

A: O wag ka na! Ahaha nde joke lang. Cge back to reality again! (^_^)v

Currently listening to: SAOSIN
Currently reading: EXAM STUFF
Currently watching: NOTHING kasi wala ng cable, kanina lang naputulan.. hehe...darn.
Currently feeling: what?

Bleeding lips
POSTED AT 09:24 PM

elenahitomi

oh dear how stubborn can i get. promise saglit lang ako sa net ahaha. kelangan kong magpahinga. oxygen ko ang internet ahaha! anyway...

mga tuksuhan talaga. Rox and Gen. Ahaha nde joke lang, baka magalit si Gen saken. Well laking tao pero bonjing pala e! Haha pero masayang kasama si Rox, dehba? Nambubunggo lang naman. Alam na ngang payatot ako, bungguin pa ako. Kilig ka lang kasi e. Yihiiiiii! Ahahaha! Cge Rox laban tayo sa Warcraft, humanda ka. Anong preparasyon pinagsasasabi mo a! Shatap.. Ako panalo. Hahaha! Nde joke lang.

Anyway, those were just some of the things that happened this day. Cramming din sa chair na ginagawa namin, 1:3 prototype. Hinayupak na kahoy, ayaw sumunod sa balance... Hope we get a decent grade for that.

And as for HoD. GREAT! Em not yet studying. Well nung sabado't linggo, nakapag-aral ako at notes. SO review na lang ako today. Pero magpupuyat ako my friends. So wish me luck, kasi kung alam nyo lang, SUPER DAMI TLGA! HWOW! Nyahahaha! at hindi pa matatapos. I feel like, yung 1 week of exam, parang 1 millenia of total abomination of human sustenance. OO! Nakaka-drain ng utak, garrr! (^_^)v

Wish me oh-so luck! Blehehehe.... Goodluck sa inyo sobrah...

Currently listening to: SAOSIN
Currently reading: HoD endless handouts of six!
Currently watching: Cold Case
Currently feeling: sympathetic

COLORGENICS agen
POSTED AT 09:53 PM

elenahitomi

You are experiencing extreme emotional disappointment because it would seem that a particular relationship is no longer running smoothly. You would like to break away from this involvement completely and yet, if this were to happen, then its possible that something very important to you would be lost. You are in a quandary. You are not sure which way to turn. So on the one hand, you would like to free yourself from this attachment altogether, yet on the other, you do not want to lose anything nor risk uncertainty and the possibility of further disappointment. These contradictory and opposing emotions are now causing you considerable stress but you are putting on a brave face - pretending that you don't care.

Anxiety and a restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled physical or emotional needs are producing considerable stress. You react to this by blaming everyone but yourself. You are aggressive, sarcastic and embittered. Try to be understanding and a little flexible - it will pay dividends in the long run, and it could well be that accordingly all of your dreams could soon be realized.

so true...

Just release..........
POSTED AT 10:09 PM

elenahitomi

ANO BA TONG YM NA 'TO??? Kung hindi naman gagamitin ng maayos e di bat pa nag install install ng mga programs. O chat dito chat don. bat di na lang kayo gumamet ng telepono e noh? O chat dito chat don. Maganda kasi nde kayo nagkikita.... Pero gamitin ng maayos..... Hay... Labo...

Anyway... Save the best rants for later. Wala ng cable. Naputulan na ang illegal connection. So much for our happiness. Talong talo na pamilya ko. Malapit na cguro ako matulog sa daan. Malapit na rin cguro ako manlimos. Hmm... Gives me the initiative to give coins to poor children.  Oh how I feel their pain now. Mahirap tlga ang buhay sa pinas.

Tugtug na ang banda ko sa Monday sa St. Thomas Square. Finally, makakatugtug na kami. Mukhang magiging maganda ang crowd. Karamihan mga taga USTe pero may mga iba rin. 13 Needles kasama rin. Sana sobrang galingan namin. Ako, nagpapraktis na akong galingan at soliduhin ang Understanding, Seven Years at In Response. Lalo na yung Understanding at Seven Years: mga kailangan ng resistensya at lakas. Minsan naiisip ko kung sa payat kong ito, may pagasa pa ba na gumaling ako? Sa ngayon parang wala e, pero wala namang masamang subukan. Kaya ito, pursigido akong gumaling sa isang bagay na nagbibigay ng lakas at 'contentment' sakin. Mga friends, cheer kayo a! Haha..

Hay ayoko ng mag rant. Itataim ko na lang sa pagtulog ko para magkaroon ako ng maaliwalas na bangungot. Oo maaliwalas. Napakasarap. Ay teka bago ko tapusin to...

Titignan ko nanaman ang YM window and it just makes me feel lonelier. Just today I felt that this program isn't doing me any good. Yeah I knew this all along but I just ignored it. Yeah I'm ranting. I'm kind of pissed right now, I don't want to meddle at my puny pathetic affairs at the moment. I feel stupid right now so I feel like hiding from the world and not showing my face (pinipimpol nanaman ako, 3 sa right cheak. Tantanan mo na ako pwede ba..) 3am earlier my mom got angry and my dad, telling me I wasn't fulfilling my responsibilities. This day was a time for realization. I guess Mr. Holy Spirit descended upon me and gave me the grace and hope I needed to move on. Oh I learned a lot of things, that my dad, my mom, my sister, they're all there when I feel alone. Oh how I regretted those times that I took them for granted. I'll never do that to them again. Oh how I love them so.

And going back to my ranting? Magcha chat pa ba ako? Maganda naman ang chat e pero prang ngayon, nagsawa ako at naasar at natatangahan. . Nakakagago lang.. Aww, nag-aalisan na mga tao sa YM. Reminds me of how much I feel so alone ion the world.

Oh no! My mom's calling me na. And she's pissed all right. "Tama na yan!" she says calling from upstairs. Goodbye.

Currently listening to: Taking Back, Sao, Thursday

That "was" something...
POSTED AT 11:27 AM

elenahitomi

Yeah, I had a good night's sleep so now I'm feeling oh-so better now. I also realized I said such cruel shitty things in my last entry. Yeah I was pissed all right. And you can't blame me, I was pissed at everything. The damage is done buut it's all good. All I can say is I've completely forgotten about him. (I hope..) Coz he makes me laugh now..

And I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm not sure, getting off my chest, the story ends... Sorry I'm Sorry I'm tired...

I remembered what my friend said in her journal, something about she wasted half a year liking this guy, bla-bla-bla. I don't think that I actually 'wasted' my time with him. In fact, coz of him, I met a lot of people. I had fun and I was happy. Just so happened that he himself wasn't there in it. Get it? I was with him and it was like total contentment and safety. But he can be distant, like, can't figure him out what he's really thinking. Well, it's just life. I remember (again..) when I was in high school, I used to admire a guy from teneo. We were good friends but I over-exxagerated again so I freaked him out. So nothing happened. BUUT now we're good friends now. He's got some girl in La Salle and I'm happy he's doing all right. He doesn't deserve some foul-fetched demmander like me. I don't think I'd ever end up with someone coz I dunno, attitude problem I guess. Yeah it's their fault, but mostly MY fault. Laging may male e. Haha. Tao talaga tayong lahat! Hehe..

And as for my love life, sigh* only a handful know about my gruesome 'not-so-pleasant-and-normal' love life. And I'm not planning to telecast throughout the globe those things that had happened coz it's REALLY a confidential thing. Ick! And not to mention downright STUPID-OF-ME actions done before. I was.. A girl of 15 when I did some not so good things.......... Yeah Yeah stupid........

Well can't you, can't you feel it rolling up your lips......

And hoping that I'd have some better life.. Hoping to try and make up for my mistakes. Hoping to erase those bad  bad things. Hoping to be forgiven by someone special other than a priest in confession. Yeah I would like that better life... Well it's not gonna come. And.. I'm pretty much getting the hang of.. Life. Thanks SO much for the life. Yeah I'm thankful and sarcastic at the same...

We are respiratory...

Tomorrow's the last day of school but I'm still gonna go to USTe next week to complete some stuff. Oh help me God pass my subjects. I'm scared. SO SCARED at everything that's happening to me. I'm in a rut, an edge of a mountain. A Dead End. I'm SO lost. Yeah that's what I'm feeling right now. Though I'm moving, I'm clueless. I'm tired AND scared. Soooooooo scared. Someone help me.

I'm pathetic. I'm not all perfect like everyone seems. They think I'm this girl laughing out loud. They also think I'm this drama queen. Yeah pressume all you want but "You.. Don't.. Know.. Me..." You seem like a smart person. Why don't you just ask?

I was over it before but you brought me back to where I began. And I'm starting well again and I will make you run to the end.

I just want to say I'm sorry for everything.

Currently listening to: Taking Back, Sao, Thursday, Spital, Rufio, Sunny Day
Currently reading: Math and Theo
Currently watching: no cable
Currently feeling: singing

The coming of rain...
POSTED AT 09:08 PM

elenahitomi

Kaka review ko lang kanina. But before that, pinagalitan nanaman ako ng mother dear ko sa aking pagsaway for the enth time . Nag internet nanaman kasi ako instead of studying. Galit na galit. Ako naman, tanga, nagpasaway nanaman.

Mom: Len! What am I gonna do with you!
Len: (nagbabasa ng Theo hindi nakikinig sa mom...)
Mom: You know, you should realize how lucky you are studying in a prestigious school! Maawa ka naman sa sarili mo. kung wala kang awa sa amin, sa sarili mo na lang. Por Diyos gi por santo...
Len: (nagbibingi-bingihan pa rin...)
Mom: Listen to me. You should be brave enough and be humble to accept. Kahit pagod ka na, KAILANGANG GAWIN! Isang araw na lang, hindi ka pa makapaghintay ng bakasyon???
Len: (mejo tumatawa pa..)

But then when my mom left, umiyak ako kasi ang yabang ko non. Hay. Buti na lang my mom, she now fogives me and understands me and she's even helping me study. Well, she got the plug sa laptop para hindi raw talaga ako ma tempt. HAHA! Love you mami! Haha! Salamat...

Nagpareview ako sa ateh ko coz mom said pa review raw ako bago mag comp. E antok na yung ateh ko, so mejo laughtrip! Haha! Nababanas din sha sa Theo thinking that "E hindi naman gagamitin to sa trabaho e. Ano ba tong Mambo-Jumbo na to?" Hahahaha mga tipong ganon HAHA! Tawa na lang ako ng tawa. But it was all good. Kahit papano nareview nya ako with matching tawa to the max kasi natatawa talaga ako sa muka ng ateh ko, with all the sleepy face and her being irritated. Haha!

Lastly, the weather changed. I heard in the news last night that a monsoon rain was coming. I felt great kasi HINDI NA MAINIT! YEHEY!  Pero kaninang mga 3 or so in the afternoon. Parang ang shivering nung feeling e. I felt, somewhat, scared . I dunno why but I felt scared. Nag-aaral ako ng Theo with all confidence tas bglang nawalan ako ng initiative. Parang tipong ganon. I dunno, weird, weird, weird. Haha. So anyway I'll be off studying now and before that, typing a paper for tomorrow. Nako, WKS pa pala! . NAKAW! Cge cge isang araw na banat na lang at summer na!!  Whew! Malapit na akong mag Swimming!  Yahuu! Yehey..

Currently reading: theo, math
Currently watching: no cable

What now?
POSTED AT 12:12 PM

elenahitomi

I'm gonna actually fail a subject. I can soully feel it. My parents are gonna kill me now. Oh no........... What have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE???

I don't think I'd ever see the daylight with a smile on my face. This sucks. I see now how the world crashed down when a meteor hits it. It's the end. I'm doomed. Nooooooooo........

MATH... Sir, pagbigyan nyo na lang ako. pero cge kung anong will para sakin, gawin na lang. Math... Math... SIgh*

Math........

Meron bang kanta para sa math? Sarap kumanta ng math....

P.S. lalaro ng Gunbound at Tantra

Currently listening to: Thursday (War All the Time)
Currently reading: journals

Hindi ko naisip... Sayang, 'damage is done' na tuloy...
POSTED AT 10:47 PM

elenahitomi

For a couple of weeks and for the past months, I was always thinking of my own personal sufferings especially yung tungkol sa kanya, na sha yung may kasalanan, sha yung torpe, sha yung malabo, etc. Pero today,it hit me so hard in the head, 'baka' may pagkakamali rin akong nagawa sa kanya... Well it is not for a fact, at the moment. I'm just guessing and having a very odd 'hunch'. Na, kung inakala ko na sinaktan nya ako, well, mas nauna akong saktan siya. Baka yung sa Katips yun e. Hmm... Umandar yung "snob-mode" ko. Hindi rin yun yung 1st time. WEll may naalala rin ako, sa Moonwalk naman. Well actually, sa mga pagkakataon na magkikita kami, may mga times na siya na ata yung gumagawa ng initiative para lumapit. Mejo hesitant lang kasi nahihiya-hiya ata sha sa mga kaibigan na walang tigil na kumakanchaw sa kanya. Pero may mga times na andun na yung opportunity. Hindi ko lang alam kung initiative ba yung ginawa nya na tumabi, pero kung ano man yun, inignore ko na parang langaw. Inichipuera ko na parang lamok,ng basta ganunan na lang. Well.. Nahiya rin kasi ako sa mga kaibigan nya at sa kanya. HAHA nahiya ako sa kanya, anu bang rason yon. Nahiya ako sa iisipin ng iba. Mas naging concerned pa kasi ako sa iniisip ng iba kaya napapraning ako. Yon. (kaya pala...) E mukang mali yun e kasi parang ang labas, snob ako. Hindi ko alam e. Kung marinig ko lang sa kanya kung ano man naramdaman nya e di mas ok sana, mawawala na ang lahat ng pressumptions na pinepressume ko haha. Well, the reason why I'm backtracking is because the damage is done and mukhang nagbago na ang lahat. Tuluyan ng nagbago.. Talaga. Nagugulat na lang talaga ako sa mga nakikita at nababasa ko sa kung saan saan at kung kelan kelan. To the point na.. hindi ko na "yata" mabalikan pa yung mga kamalian na nagawa ko. Para na rin sa pag-aaral, kampante ako mashado kaya pinabayaan ko. Mashado akong proud. Ayun. Proud. (>_< Cguro na figure out ko na yung isa sa mga attitude problem ko. Pero mukhang parte lang yun. Hindi ko alam. Wala lang akong magawa kaya ako nagkakaganito. Nyehe joke lang. Anyway...... The Damage is Done anyway. No turning back....... Kung kaya't nagsisis na lang ako mejo sa katangahang ginawa ko nanaman. Ako ba yung nagkasala? Nde ko rin alam e. ANyway, binabasa ko na lang itong chat namin nung bago gig nila sa Katips. Maayos ayos pa yun, simpleng chat-chat natural na usapan pero napaka masaya. (to be inserted next time..) Hay at ako sumira e. Hindi ko alam e. Mashado akong problemado sa buhay. Wala naman cgurong taong gustong sumama sa isang problemadong tao. Yung mundo na nga mismo maraming problema e, dagdagan pa.Onga naman. Kung maayos ko lang sairli ko. Kung magpaka "humble"lang ako kahit papaano. Kahit onti lang. Hindi ko alam tlga ..... Basta ngayon, pagsisisi at kasayangan ang naramdaman ko. Sayang ang panahon, dumaan lang, hindi ko pa ginawan ng maayos..... Tracks: THURSDAY (War all the time, signals over the air); ARMOR FOR SLEEP (My Town, Slip Like Space); THE USED (Greener with the Scenery); TAKING BACK SUNDAY (Bonus Mosh Part 2); MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE (Helena, I'm Not Okay); SAOSIN (I Have Become What I've Always Hated); Further Seems Forever (Pictures of Shorelines) P.S. Pasensha na at mahaba. P.P.S. O baka pressume lang talaga to. Walang katotohanan itong pinagsasasabi ko. Pasensha na ulet.

NAKOOOOO!!!
POSTED AT 10:48 PM

elenahitomi

Nako, na ospital ang aming dakilang bokalista dahil.. NA- TYPHOID!!! WHAAAA. E may tugtugan ba naman sa Lunes sa St Thomas Mall malapit sa uste, e mukhang hindi na sha makakasama. Mejo naasar ako kasi panay kamalasan na ang nangyari sa A Life's End Point (Talagang end point na ang dating e..) pero jusko, kawawa naman si Mico, nde naman nya sinajang magkasakit. Naalala ko si Karl, na DENGUE rin! Nako, baka kami na ang susunod! Si Joey ma-te-tetano. Si Gian magkaka growth problems haha. At ako, magkaka-cancer na sa baga. Nyahaha! JOke lang. Nako, Mico, get well soon my prend. Fight! Fight! Nyehehe. Balak kong bisitahin sa ospital kasi nde ko yon nagawa kay Karl. Nyehehe humanda ka may bibisita sayong wirda! HAHAHAHA !

Anyway..... Sigh* Ba't ang malas ng mga pangyayari? Wala ng nangyaring tama... nanaman....

P.S. May request si Mico, manghiram raw ng bokalista. Hmmmmmmmmm… Hanu kayae noh??? Hmmmmmmm . . . . (^_^)

Another chat
POSTED AT 12:39 AM

elenahitomi

Yeah I can be over-exxage and hyper, but friends can accept kung ano man ang ugali diba? Now why haven’t I thought of that before? Hehe kidding. Anyway. In reality, I still wanted to stealth him in YM as permanently offline, but I still wanted to talk to him. Why not? He IS still my friend.

And it's much better I guess. Skipping procedures can be such a drag and can be a total waste of time. Just like what I did HAHA. I dunno. I love to make up things. We chatted for just a few moments coz I think I freaked him out of my hyperactiveness (sorry bout that..) I was pissed at the band prob thing AND also clueless of what to say to you. Yeah I was trying to act natural and all, so.. There ya go, ho-ho.

I don't want MORE problems please. Don't let me write emo stuff again or at the moment. Haha, when I get to scan those previous posts? Darn SO FUNNY! Not to mention pathetic and quite a storyteller. Like I have my own version of life. Well before I rant further, do I still want to say some parting words? Yeah I do.

What now? Currently listening to: Thursday - Signals Over the Air
Currently feeling: exhausted

Kwentong Walang Kwenta
POSTED AT 09:27 PM

elenahitomi

Happy Birthday to ME! Nde sa 24 pa..

PASITA COMPLEX.. Swimming.. San Juan. SAYA!!! Wow, nothing like a swim in the pool with your friends. Hwow.

-swimming
-kain: crispy pata, chicken (dinala ko, home made nyehe..), kanin na karami rami (kasi si karl bumili so what do u expect..), chihirs (ako nagdala din..)
-yosi (2 sticks)
-emperador brandy (2 sip lang..)
-ginebra (kalahating baso, 3 sip sip)
-karaoke (kumanta ako Thousand Miles chaka There You'll Be HAHA! pero hinayupak tlga.. 30+ lang score ko. Kupalogs..)
-pool fight (whish-whish waves dala ng bagyong si gian at si karl epal lalo na si joey gago ka lunurin raw ako shyet..) another pool fight girl's fight HAHAHA chum taba mo!
-uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and many many more..

from 2-5pm of fun, laughter and vacation. Yey. Tapos Mcdo kaen, picture picture. Tapos nga pala

Gian & Gie belong together. Nyehehehehe ang tatamis nyo a ahaha!

tas uwi na.

Sigh, fun fun. Mejo nag-alala rin ako kay Mico sayang wala sha sa swimming. MAsay rin sana mas tumriple ang tawanan kung andon sha. But he's in this SOSYAL na ospital, naka confine na. Aww. Bibisita kami wag kang aalis jan? hala..

Habang nasa Mcdo..
Mannix (lalasing lasing, sobrang daldal..) Whoooo!
Len: (kumakain ata e..)
few conversations tapos bglang..
Mannix: Ano ba, minahal mo ba siya o mahal mo pa rin hanggang ngayon?
Len: Ano bang klaseng tanong yan? ( >_<
Mannix: Simpleng tanong lang, sagutin mo lang. Baket masama bang magtanong? Ano, (inulit yung tanong..)
Len: (hindi kumibo..) ewan ko sayo ang korny mo..
Mannix: pinalitan na kasi ni _____ kaya ganon haha
Chum: oonga!
(si _____ ay kaibigan ni chum na nakilala sa debut nya nung feb 5.. as usual kanchaw kanchaw..)
Karl: Haha, _____ pala a. Masumbong nga ..
Len: Cge sumbong mo, ......
Mannix: Pero ano ba (inulit pa rin yung tanong ..)
Len: Anubayan ayoko ng mga ganyang usapan. Basta ayokong sagutin yang mga ganyan..
Gian: Len..
Len: O..
Gian: Basta mga raker, malabo
Len: (nakatingin lang kay Gian, 'lang kibo..)
Gian: kasi pag raker, di mo makitaan ng matino (forgot other exact words..)
Len: (bglang tawa..)
Gian: Nde, nde ako nagbibiro
Len: Oonga, I agree.

Nasa mcdo pa rin..
Karl: Basta text lang kayo pag may lakad a
Len: Pag may prakits din a text kita
Karl: Ah hindi ako sasagot. Di joke lang.
Len: (hindi kumibo. Naasar ako don grbeh, potakte tlga....)

Pero pinagpapasenshahan ko na lang si Karl sa mga trip-trip nya. Nung nasa FX nga, mejo naasar ako sa mga banat nyang "Basta text lang kung may lakad." E kung praktis ayaw mo? E sana wag ka na lang magbanda kung ganon. Anu ba tlga?  Pero ngayon, iniintindi ko na lang. Kailangan lang kay Karl, takot at explanation para mapalagay kasi si karl ANLABO tlga e. Whoo! Hahaha! Basta Karl a.. nakow..

Dami nanamang kwentong walang kwenta.

Currently listening to: the used - greener with the scenery
Currently reading: the HOBBIT
Currently watching: the bachelor
Currently feeling: bloated, thanks to pool

Love Short Stories? >>> REALM of GAEA: "Life is Fiction"
POSTED AT 02:01 PM

elenahitomi

Hey all! Come and visit the link below

http://xanga.com/elenahitomi

It's not a second journal, but its a site full of fancy short stories. I'll keep filling the page up with stories so enjoy reading and no stealing okay? Thanks again and thanks for the support.

Currently listening to: My Chemical Romance - Track 11
Currently reading: the HOBBIT
Currently watching: VCD's
Currently feeling: sad

March 24...
POSTED AT 02:38 PM

elenahitomi

The first thing that I wanted to do was spend my birthday by going to Asian Hospital to visit my very sick friend of mine. He's got Dengue now and his platelettes are running low. If you dunno what that means, well that's PRETTY BAD! I just wish he gets better soon. I feel so terrible just thinking about it. Sigh* Nako Mico stay strong and get well soon. I'll pray for you. We'll all pray for you kaya pagaling ka na loko ka. Haha!

Anyway I also was supposed to paste the March 21 event that happened, from UST to TRANSOUND to LIKOD to ST THOMAS, buuut I thought I'll just write a new entry and just, well, write a new one! more or less, it was fun. I'm sorry.. I don't feel like typing all of a sudden. Sorry...

All I wanna say is... I wish everything will go back to normal and something GOOD will happen to my life. Coz darn I really need it. I sure need one. It's getting more and more boring everyday. Sigh* Naka-chat ko sha kanina lang. and everything's going back to normal. I hope so. Ayoko nang masaktan ulet. And I'm doing my best to act normal about the situation. Chikahan blues nga e. Nasasabi ko na rin yung tungkol sa crush nya. Buti na lang hindi ako nasasaktan. Buti rin sha, kampante lang. Well, lagi lang ata shang kampante e. Anyway.. Sana ayos ayos na. At ako, sana hindi na ako masaktan. Sana masaya lang siya kahit hindi ako magpapasaya sa kanya. Kung ano na lang mangyari sa kanya, sa akin, sa kanila, kung ano man, bahala na lang. Kahit malabo siya sa pananaw ko, isipin ko na baka naging malabo rin ako sa kanya. Hay, daming thoughts...... Ang saya ng birthday ko. 19 na ako. Pagtawanan nyo na ako dahil ang tanda ko na. Hehehehe. Yeah I'm different. Misunderstood. Joke...

I wish everything will be okay. I wish Mico'll be okay soon. I wish I get good grades and no bagsak. I wish hindi na ako masasaktan. I wish I wish I wish. Haha korny.

Currently listening to: Rufio - Tears
Currently reading: the HOBBIT
Currently watching: VCD's
Currently feeling: lonely

still March 24
POSTED AT 07:52 PM

elenahitomi

hehe nde pa natatapos ang araw ng kaarawan ko...

Etong araw na to, napapabalik ako sa memory lane e. Natatawa na lang ako e. Memory lane of chat. Nag-aayos ako kanina ng kwarto, nakita ko yugn pinrint ko na chat namin ni "niya" mga unang unang chat pa namin. Pinunit ko yung chat sa sobrang asar pero lam ko na kahit punitin ko, may archive naman sa Yahoo na pwede kong balik-balikan. Tas kanina, kausap ko si keet, naggaguhan lang kami. Tapos ako naman binuksan ko yung archive ng chat ko with "siya". Hahaha nasasakto tlga sa mga magagandang chat e pagka mag ki klik ako ng date. Hehehe tumatawa na lang ako sa kahihiyan at ewan. Andami kong mga nararamdaman: Katangahan, kasayangan, katangahan nanaman, at more katangahan sa sarili ko. Ahaha! habang binabasa ko, parang gusto kong ibalik yung mga times na yun e at baguhin yung mga kagaguhan at mga hurtful things na sinabi ko. Basta nde ko ma explain ngayon, pero . HAY smayl na lang ako. Grbeh... Happy Birthday Len, grbeh. Grbehhhhhh! Maligayang kaarawan grbeh...

Haaay. I hate memory lane. San naman hahantong yon? O iisip isipin mo ang nakaraan. pero hanggang don na lang, hindi mo na mababago. ika nga, you can't turn back time nga naman, parang yung kanta ng AQUA "If only I could turn back time.." HALA! Nyehehehehe! Walastik naman..

Thank God for Holy Week
POSTED AT 07:23 PM

elenahitomi

Today, I had the greatest feeling unimaginable to man. Just being out with my family and my aunt made me have this great joy and an encompassing happiness. Words can't describe how I felt. It was totally a blast. Salamat sa inyo grbeh.

And then another happiness sprung when my mom told me we were going to visit my dear friend who was sick. My heart leaped coz I wanted to visit him since before and thank goodness I was going to visit him. We arrived and went inside the room, and there I saw him. HE WAS SO RED! HAHAHAHA! I was like "Mico! Okay ka lang?" Yeah he told me he was doing fine. His mom told us that his platelettes reached the desired amount so by tomorrow he'd be discharged already. Goody! Oh I was so happy. His mom was so sweet. I got to meet his mom and his dad who was in the hospital too! Heart attack I think, I can't remember. Anyway they were such sweet parents, and quite religious too! Which is a nice thing coz my family is as well. Though they were Protestant, I didn't care, we didn't care, they didn't care! As long as we lived harmony, setting aside old barriers of differences etc and to just be united coz we've got only One creator, right? That's what Tito Orli said! Nice.. Don't woryy, we also live that same ideal.

My sister told me that I did the right thing, going to the hospital. I laughed. But she was serious. She told me I made a "Corporal Work Of Mercy" and it's a good deed! She told me, by doing such, I have a ticket to the Heavenly Mariapolis. I was like "OKay! Good for me!" Haha. Well, now I start to think why I wanted to visit him in the hospital. Then it hit me, maybe coz he's such a dear friend to me just like the rest. I mean, I recall when Karl had Dengue, I too also wanted to visit him! I guess I'm just like that to my friends. When something goes wrong, I'd do anything, I'd go to the ends of the earth just to show them how much I care. OR is it because I really really really care for Mico so much, like REALLY care for him THAN the others? Like "special care". Like, I had to tell my parents "Ma, dad, I want to visit Mico sa ospital." It's odd. Maybe it's reason number two.

Yeah I care for him, all right. I've known him for, what like, more than half a year now and I'd feel so happy when I'm with him sometimes, no, all the time. And finding out he had dengue and all, I felt so crushed, I wanted to cry. Well actually I cried.. (And Yeah I'm full of emo-crap. Excuse me.) When I was in the hospital, I was kind of nervous too what his parents might think of me. E ganon naman kasi ako praning e. Nag-aalala sa iniisip ng iba. But I just thought na, I was there coz my friend was sick and I had to be there to support him and let him know I care blablabla. I hope they won't make a bad impression out of it. And I do hope they'd excuse me for whatever unnecessary actions I did. Maybe I was a liiiiittle conscious. But I tried my best to smile and be a walking happiness to all. Well thank you all. Haha. I just wanted to tell Tita and Tito that I'm so happy, they're such great parents. At kay Mico? Well ewan ko! Pagaling ka na! Haha bglang ganon e noh? Do I or do I not? Nyehehe...

Yeah I'm yacketing now. Hehe. Basta, pero pag nakalabas na si Mico. Nako sarap nanay-nanayan yung taong yon. Like I would do anything in my power para hindi sha malapit sa kapahamakan. Basta riksy na raw pag nakagat pa raw sha ng lamok ahaha! May gulay! Mico a! Careful! And I..... Want you to be careful. Hala! Sige aun.....

Nice day today.. "Loves it!"..

P.S. Life can be SO confusing, but I'll just offer it to God. I love God. (^_^) I won't expect anything anymore. NAKANA!!! CHARENG! (^_^)v

P.P.S. Sorry may nakalimutan ako. Well... Kapag may minahal ka nga namang tao, kaibigan man o more than, kung sino man yun, you'll do anything tas i-di-disregard mo na yung sarili mo bastat mapasaya mo lang yung iba. ANd THAT is Corporal Work of Mercy. YAHUU! Nice.. Mabaet pala ako..... (^_^)v Currently reading: Homer Iliad

COPY/PASTE SABLAY!! DEM!!!
POSTED AT 08:50 PM

elenahitomi

Mag co copy paste na mali pa. Imagine, mag co copy paste ka ng chat niyong dalawa ni "niya" tapos ma pe paste mo pa dun sa kaibigan ni "niya" !!! Sino bang hindi ma pa praning don! HHAHAHAHA tawa na lang ako! Nung una tlga parang gusto ko ng magpakamatay e. Nagmukha nanaman akong tanga. Pero ngayon buti na lang mejo okok na. I just wanted to share this coz.. you know... Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you're gonna get. HALA FOREST GUMP RAW!! Basta josko yang COPY PASTE NA IYAN! PAHAMAK na ewan tutal alam naman ng buong mundo e noh? I don't friggin care. tawa na lang tayo.

(^_^) smile! charing! Currently listening to: Slip Like Space
Currently reading: Homer Iliad
Currently watching: I-Robot
Currently feeling: total humiliation again..

Talaga lang ?
POSTED AT 10:20 PM

elenahitomi

cosmik_tea (8:22:58 PM): pero alam mo ba
cosmik_tea (8:23:00 PM): sabi nila
cosmik_tea (8:23:06 PM): ang mga lalaki raw
cosmik_tea (8:23:21 PM): mas iniisip nila yung mga babaeng nagkakagusto sa kanila
cosmik_tea (8:23:27 PM): kesa sa mga babaeng gusto nila
flip_goth58 (8:23:55 PM): but that doesnt mean
flip_goth58 (8:23:57 PM): anything right?
cosmik_tea (8:24:10 PM): oo pero ayaw mo nun??
cosmik_tea (8:24:17 PM): YOU INFECT HIS MIND!!!
cosmik_tea (8:25:15 PM): "uy... nu kaya gawa ni len ngayon..iniisip ako siguro?" medyo feeling ang dating... kasi
cosmik_tea (8:25:19 PM): mga insecure yang mga yan
cosmik_tea (8:25:42 PM): kaya may takot rin sila na biglang tumiwalag ung nararamdaman mo
cosmik_tea (8:25:48 PM): tas di mo na siya isipin
cosmik_tea (8:25:56 PM): edi wala na..

hmmmmm................

minsan pag matutulog ako, iisip isipin ko lang tong letseng sinabi sakin...... kasi hindi ako naniniwala dito, sobrah. sorry keet haha hindi ako makapaniwala sa kalokohan na yan e. its bull crap. hahahaha! im bitter! the world is a fucked up mess. nyehehehe nde naman sa galit ako keet. alabshu nga e. nde lang tlga ako naniniwala hehehehe. sorry. life is life..

okay una sa lahat, sino ba ako para isip-isipin ng mga tao? ni "niya" o kung sino man? basta ako hindi na ako nag-eexpect. actually, ang ginagawa ko na lang ngayon, panay pantasya na lang sa mga magagandang mga pangyayari. also, im keeping an open mind to everything that happens and I DONT WANT TO EXPECT ANYTHING ANYMORE. Fuente Bello, ayoko na, sawa na ako. ligawan mo na lang kaya si pucca noh? tutal baka magsawa rin naman ako sayo e.. baka ako pa makasakit sa damdamin mo. nyak kumapal pa mukha ko.. galeng.. ( T_T)

"its better to be bitter than to be sweet. sweetness can be bad for my system..." - nice ako lumikha nyan.

bat ganon no? bat ganon sila? bat may mga malalabo talaga sa mundo? "when can i clear up your sky?" nga naman. kelan ko pa kaya makikita yung mga bituin na walang haharang harang na ulap? Please.. Kalimutan ko na siya...... dahil ayokong masaktan? Sigh*

"when can i see a clear view of your beautiful sky and gaze upon your brightest stars without any rain clouds covering it?"
Currently listening to: New American Classic
Currently reading: singing Saosin - Seven Years acoustic ( T_T)

It's a small world after all!
POSTED AT 01:53 PM

elenahitomi

Haha si cam talaga, may pinakilala saking tao, sos ka tropa pala niya si gian! ka close sina karl... uhm what do i expect, pag busko, tlgang magkakilala silang lahat. e ka batch pa nya. BINGO! tumpak.

saya.

aun.

ang boring tlga ngayon tlga tlga ang init pa. sobrah. tas lalabas pa ako ngayon puntang greenhills. hokay mejo mainit pa. sana lang masaya ako sa aking paglalakbay sa disyerto. haha!

pagbalik ko sa bahay, akoy magsusulat ulit ng short story tapos Pu-publush raw ni Jed sa book fair nila. NYEH! hahahahaha!

cge! ready na ako sa aking paglalakbay sa disyerto! Whoo! ( >_<)

P.S.
http://xanga.com/elenahitomi
http://tabulas.com/~alifesendpoint

after ng greenhills......

ANG INIT! NASUSUNOG AKO! AYOKO NANG LUMABAS GRBEH nakaka high blood yung init sa labas grbeh nakaka boil ng ewan. shyte grbeh tlga. Try nyo! Grbeh sobra.......

Eyes closed... ( -_-)
POSTED AT 08:21 PM

elenahitomi

Dreams can be such an oh-so misconception that makes us either frigtened or happy. Happy is nice.

May mga napapanaginipan ako lately na mejo nakakatawa na nakakapraning like "Oh my, pwedeng mangyari yun a! Sana mangyari.." or mga tipong "SHYET! Ang sarap ng feeling non a, pero hindi pwedeng mangyari..". Chaka mga tipong "HAHAHAHAHA sha? Sha? No way no way.." hanggang sa "Sana ganon na lang kasi ang saya non e, antagal as in TAGAL ko ng gustong mangyari yon; tagal kong hinintay yon pero alam kong wala, wala...... (tas bglang luluha-luha ng onti, dramahan blues, eskabeche... ahaha..).......

I dunno if I will share the dream details here, maybe in some other forms, but I'm still thinking about it. I want to let it out into the open na mejo patago (Hehe ang labo nun a!) Buuuuut anyway... "..in wishes and in dreams....." ...........

Sa pagpikit ng ating mga mata, marami kang pwedeng mapuntahan. At yung mga gusto mong mangyari ay pwede na ring maganap. Yun lang ang masasabi ko.

sigh* amboring tlgaaaaaa............ Currently feeling: down

Worried about nothing?
POSTED AT 10:17 PM

elenahitomi

flip_goth58: ever felt worried about someone u never knew why? just felt worried?
keet geniza: hmm...
keet geniza: sabi nila sign rw yan
keet geniza: oo minsan.. sa mga magulang ko.. pamilya mostly..
keet geniza: bakit??
flip_goth58: anong sign?
flip_goth58: na may mamamatay?
flip_goth58: what sign?
flip_goth58: ..................
keet geniza: ha? di naman nu
keet geniza: of significant relationship change
keet geniza: kasi dati..
keet geniza: nag-alala ako sa sis ko..
keet geniza: tas nagaway kami pagkatapos
keet geniza: mom ko..
keet geniza: lalo kami naging close..
keet geniza: basta ung mga ganun
keet geniza: parang emotional clock
flip_goth58: whoa
flip_goth58: e pano kung nde mo kamag anak
keet geniza: ganun din
keet geniza: ..
flip_goth58: ano???????????
keet geniza: sabi nila
flip_goth58: ano nga
keet geniza: ...hay
flip_goth58: sorry
keet geniza: un din
flip_goth58: okokokokokok
keet geniza: nyahaha nukabu ayus lang

Yeah . Nagsimula yung pag wo worry ko after ng may kinwento si Keet tungkol sa "kanya". I dunno why. Maybe I'm just over-reacting, pero parang feeling ko either baka sobrang pagod na pagod siya or baka inaway siya or ginago siya.I dunno pero ang weird, sobrang nag-aalala ako.

Pero mag-alala ba raw ako sa wala? E kaano ano ko ba sha? O frend, o tapos? wala.

pero, HAHA nag-aalala talaga ako. weird.

(consciousness: Len, baka bored ka lang chaka dala lang yan ng init kaya cguro nagkakaganyan ka. Wag mo ng mashadong isipin okay? chaka baka naubusan na siya ng internet kaya ganon o baka ginamit lang ng utol nya o kaya may lakad o kaya may ginawang school cramming whatsoever kungkayat nde siya online ngayon. Nahihibang ka lang Len... Len..... pahinga ka na.....)

(another consciousness: teka teka e ano ngayon kung mag online sha o hindi??)

(consciousness: ....)

(another consciousness: haha joke lang.)

(consciousness: kaya pala..)

(another consciousness: anong 'kaya pala'???)

(consciousness: wala!)

(another consciousness: .............. )

Haha cguro nga.. hibang lang ako. pansin mo?
Currently listening to: secret! ngek! joke..
Currently feeling: worried

Trabaho!
POSTED AT 11:51 AM

elenahitomi

What a part time hassle job!

Yeah today I'm semi-working. Helping my tita make a flier for her Ice Cream business in Greenhills. It's called "FiC - Fruits in Ice Cream" nasa Lifestyle center. Anyway they have great ice cream. Kind of costly, though VERY delectible! Yum! NYehehehehe...

Aun nung una mejo naiinis ako kasi pinepressure nanaman ako ng mom ko to hurry up on 3 designs. Finished one already, 2 more. Ayoko pa naman na nahahagol, but I guess that's part of the training. Yak! Anyway, 2 more.. Work... I'm not expecting to have a decent salary. It's just a helping hand thingy. BUUUUT if Tita gets all generous, WHY NOT POKNAT! NYAHAHA (^_^)v

Back to "work"! Currently listening to: jap+emo+chinese+lalalalala !

Lost Sim…
POSTED AT 08:16 PM

elenahitomi

Yeah, I can’t seem to find my sim… Again… Due to my irresponsibility as a human being and just being stupid to NOT put it in the small supot. Yeah, yung sim na pala nilalagay na sa maliit na supot. E diba dapat sa telepono? E KASI… (Breathe..) E kasi wala pa akong telepono. Kaya ganon. Mejo nakakainis na nga e, sobrang pahirap. Tas ngayon, langya, nde ko na maalala kung san ko nilagay. Baka natangay na kasama ng alikabok yung sim ko. Hwowowi. Takte……

Anyway… I finished 3 flier designs for Tita’s ice cream business and my mom wants me to make ANOTHER ONE. GREAT!! Ayoko na nga e, gusto ko ng magpahinga tapos dagdagan pa raw. What what what….. When I’d go upstairs, I’d always shout “END OF THE WORLD! END OF MY WORLD!!” coz it seems like it, according to my own personal outcome. Freak! Ang buhay ay bruha, nako nemen!

Sigh* Why do I always sigh? Okay so after this, I’ll friggin find my FREAKIN’ sim na sobrang liit. Shete! Total Damnation naman. Tapos, I have to make the FRIGGIN 4th flier which will take me quite some time again coz we have to show it to tita tomorrow coz my mom likes to impress people, SO MUCH. Hate it sometimes. Or it’s just me. Oh, I don’t think my week has been all “prosperous”. It’s either I was bored, pissed, more bored, more pissed, and now, run of badluck. Yehey. Let us rejoice now. ( >_<) Why is this happening to me?

Why? WHYyyyyyyyy………

I'll just leave those questions behind .
POSTED AT 12:03 AM

elenahitomi

Right now I'm in question.. Kanina "why is this happening to me" tapos ngayon mejo similar "why is he doing this?" well actually matagal na yan e? "why and what?" "what for"

yeah, but tulad ng sabi ng frend ko, matuwa na lang raw ako sa present moment, wag ko isipin yung future kasi baka mawala raw. hmm mejo may kalabuan yon na ewan, pero cge ill take his word for it. masaya naman, kahit chat chat lang.

ayun, everything seems to go back to normal. and he has been very nice as a chatter haha.. yung tipong sha kwento kwento. saya. pero cant help din but think kung baket ganon? cant help but ask so many questions. but im just leaving all those questions behind and just looking at an optimistic look, na, aun andon lang ako para sa kanya, masaya na ako don.

nga pala, hindi ba yesterday i was feeling worried i didnt know why. i was also thinking na baka connected sha dun sa mga nangyari sa kanya. pero pwede ring coincidence pero wala lang. i mean, bat naman ako magkakaroon ng mga kutob na ganoon diba? sobrang kupal to da max na tlga, wala ng ginawa kundi mag imbento haha. writer nga ako.. joke. ano yon parang spiritual destiny link? kupal koo, dream on heller..... joke lang.. anyway.... saya.......

at alam kong mawawala din ito pagdating ng bukas at sa susunod pang mga bukas, pero atleast masayang memory naman yun, parte na yung lahat sa utak ko at, not to mention, sa "YM Message Archive" na rin hehehe. sigh* i feel so sleepy.

goodluck sa mga hindi pa tapos sa kanilang whatsoever requirements. sana matapos na nila ang kanilang project para makabawi sa grade. yehey. now i can sleep. well before ill sleep, ill pray for them all.

hope i'll have nice dreams. SHYET lalabas ako bukas punta nanamang greenhills. dem.. sugod nanaman muli sa saudi arabia neto.. pabili nga ng camel? hehehe nyok..

( -_-)zzZ Night! Ay morning na pala. Goodluck sa inyo ( -_-)zzZ



Currently feeling: sleepy and semi-happy

(O_0)
POSTED AT 12:22 PM

elenahitomi

Click on the PLAY button to listen to
The Used - Greener With the Scenery

Kung merong "end of the world" meron ding "new beginning".. At nahanap ko na sim ko. yehey.... Actually, Noemi, our ever trusted house-keeper/adopted family member, found the sim near the laptop. Wow.... Pero lam nyo, naisip ko nanaman na si God, binawi kahapon yung sim ko para ayusin ko na raw yung room ko sa taas dahil napaka gulo nito. Ehehe.. Jan ko nare-realize minsan na Mayroon at mayroon talagang Diyos na nakatutok sakin. Walastik.. Yehey... I love you Lord.

Iniwi.... Nagpapahinga lang ako ngayon. 50% pa yung room-cleaning spree, and also, mejo tinitipid ko na ang aking EEnernet kasi paubos na. Sa 4 pa ata ako makakabili ng bago. Internet nga naman o....... Ba't nga ba nababaliw ako sa internet? E kung sa masaya e ehehehehe (^_^)v Uhmmmmm !

Hehe....

Onga pala, I almost forgot. May kwento ako. I knew I woke up in my bedding, tapos I found my sim dun sa sahig tabi sa bedding. And I saw my dad.. "Dad.. Nahanap ko na sim ko sa bed ko..." I said with a really sleepy tone. And he was like "huh?" na parang hindi nya ako na gets. Then I went back to sleep. Then I woke up again! The same thing happened, parang nag-rewind! Tas I saw my sim again beside the bedding and got it, again. Tapos.. Natulog ulet ako. TAPOS, I woke up for the third time, realizing that..... Yun na talaga yung totoong nagising ako. Gets? HAHA yung una't pangalawang gising, e panaginip pa rin yon. Ang weird e grabeh.. Parang dun sa video ni Craig David na Seven Days ba yon? Gising sha ng gising? PARANG GANON yung nangyari saken! Wala lang share ko lang, ehehe korny........

Oh yeah! April 4! CLEARANCE DAY!! ( T_T) let us all die now..... HuHuHuHu !! Yun na lang problema ko whaaaaaaa!

HoD..
Math..

(0_o) whoa...

(>_<) sana wala akong bagsak...

(-_-)! kundi ako'y hindi na matutuwa forever..

(^_^) chareng! smile na lang! lib di present momentum. nyehe....

(o_0)v
POSTED AT 08:06 PM

elenahitomi

Click on the PLAY button to listen to
The Get Up Kids - Shorty

Wow, I just realized that I'm not used to SOME hard labor, like for instance, fixing my things in my room. Actually simple na nga yon e pero Sheesh! Grbeh nakakapurga lang.. It took me half a day to accomlish 85-90% of the total fixing. And wala pa don yun "Organizing" a, take note, so mejo magulo. Well maayos tignan, pero yung the way things are placed, well.. Mejo kalat. Oh well, nakakatamad ahehe. Hope that won't equivalent to a karma.

Every conversation with my 'ateh' would always be a fun one. Well kanina naggaguhan nanaman kami and all. Then nagkwento ako ng mga masasaklap kong mga katangengers sa buhay. And she was like "Ay nako ganyan silang lahat, parang yung ka-officemate ko dati na crush ko, nung iniwasan ko, biglang nagtaka....." Then she gave me some sisterly advice to just "not expect" (well uhuh I've been doing that since a few weeks ago, duh..) and not put any meaning to whatever circumstances coz there are just some guys who just aren't in the "quote/unquote" "steady" thing.. Which is fun, coz, just thinking about "it" makes me sad.. Ano, relasyon, tapos e mas pahirap pa sa buhay yon kesa maging single..... Ha? Well thinkin about it makes me.. Well.... Confused even more.. (o_0)! Uhm.. Nawi-weirdo nanaman ako e noh? Ahaha! Basta, kinondishon ko na ang mind and brain ko na magpakamanhid na lang. Well YEAH I'm already doing that, but not 100% though. Ehehehe. And I'm still having a friggin' hard time, with all the "questions" and the "expectations" running through my head like yung bell ng Notre Dame na tumpak naman sa laki. Ehehe.... Man, it's hard to be human. Ano kaya ang buhay Alien noh?

April 4, malapit na.... Hmm, sana makita ko si German, ohohoho! Change subject, nyok! Naaalala ko pa rin yung pag drums niya nung 21, nako sarap nakawin ng dobol peds e. Nakakainis. Tapos kumakanta pa talaga e, wow turuan mo ko. Hoho.. Kups! Kitakits nalang kung baka sakali! Chka Isa pang Juneau! Nyehehe.... (^_^)!

Ubus na internet. See you all at 12am para makalibre. 2 hours na lang at the most e wow.. Gudlak. Hmm now I wonder what song I'll play here in this entry. (^_~) Hehe. Oh geesh, Em still not finished upstairs! Howly Mowly You're Cwraazyy!! Nyehehehehe. Cge pahinga muna ako.

Bigla nanaman akong naasar. hehe
POSTED AT 09:36 PM

elenahitomi

Though like I said, manhed mode! Tutal makapal naman mukha ko e diba? At wala namang pakealam yung iba kung ano nararamdaman ko e. So aun.

The questions are coming back, and I SO love to welcome them back in to my head.

"Why.............................. "

(-_-)... Currently listening to: aPc - The Hollow Constant Remix
Currently feeling: pissed.