Too good to be true.
POSTED AT 03:41 PM

elenahitomi

What just happened this week???? My week!!

The whole week was just so filled with sleepless nights due to cramming and uber school work and, not to mention, boredom and laziness and anxiety and loneliness. What a complete combo meal....... Whatta sad combo.

Lately I've been thinking that I'm not good enough for my friends. I now think that I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY coz no matter what I do, I just the loser in the eyes of their elegant and physicality of beauty shitness. I'm just not good enough. All I'm thinking now, to ease my depression, is that there would be some people who appreciate who I am, who respect me as a person. Coz even some of my friends don't respect me anymore. I'm starting to realize that they don;t respect me anymore. I feel like I'm just a tool to their happiness, who won't ever care when I'm gone, coz I'm just a TOOL, a material. I don't know what I am to them anymore. And I don't know what to do with them? I mean, I don't know how to act in front of them. I feel so alone now, unlike last year, I was happy with them. Now I'm just Not. ( -_-)

I'm watching X-MEN2 again, it's about to end, actually. Professor Xavier's talking about Jean Grey and how she was when she was still young. "She was always hesitant coz she wanted to help others. But somehow, she was always left behind." It struck me so much coz I feel the same way. It made me think of this world we're living in and how humans should live their lives in helping others rather than themselves. It's so hard, coz we want to fill our hearts with happiness.. But yes, true happiness is when we see someone else happy. True happiness is when we help others. True happiness is when we take risks and go trhough tough times coz we get true satisfaction through what we've earned, what we've accomplished, what we've worked so hard. It's freakin' hard. To put the puzzle of innner-self-knwoledge is just too complicated for me to comprehend. But I guess.. I'm running short on my Faith, then.

Which reminds me.. I haven't gone to confession. It's been a month already, I think. And I guess I haven't had any blessings. But I still feel, despite all my mistakes, despite all the sins that I've made, despite all the negative loser qualities and sorry self-destruction.. God... Loves me. And it asnwers my 1st paragraph here in my entry. So I thought that nobody loves me? There is still God. I sigh, I get teary eyed right now, coz I'm writing this, and having a sudden spark of realization at the same time!

This world is just too good to be true.

(Oh God help me.) Currently feeling: absolute serious mode

Pinagkakaabalahan...
POSTED AT 09:38 PM

elenahitomi

SCHOOL:

1. Foam Board Model COnstruction of a Flat Screen Monitor for Model Construction 1
2. 20 Dining Chair designs for Industrial Design 3
3. Some other important Technical Drawing shitness which I really really Hate so much, very... I don't EVER like Tech Draw, ever... EVERRRRRrrr ! ( ^_^) ( >_<)


not SCHOOL:

1. reading Book 5 of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and yes, by J.K. Rowling
2. plans to join the Ravelo Branded T-Shirt Design contest in UST CFAD (there's a T-shirt prize and a cellphone. Wheeeeee! Sana I-Pod na lang. Kidding..)
3. writing a Tagalog Short story about some eerie story about this girl, Ashley's, well.. Life in college up to work. Pretty funny and intense in an esoteric sense. Currently workin' on Kabanata Dalawa: Si Kob Talaga...
4. Compo compo compo, drum drum excercises for incoming debut gig "chuva". WaPow! Can't wait na magpraktis sa wednesdayyyyyy. Ano na?

that's all .... at the moment.

P.S. See you in school..... Sigh*


not> Currently reading: Book 5

Cutting a strand is like.. ending something you don't even know!
POSTED AT 08:27 PM

elenahitomi

"While cutting the strand of my fragile hair, I had the most difficult time. I was hesitant, my heart was beating faster. I felt like.. When I was about to cut my hair, I was ending my life....."

It's so hard to cut my own hair...

I'm used to gay men and beauticians cutting my hair and I sometimes feel nothing when they cut my hair coz I know and I trust them that they'll do great in my hairdo.

But yesterday afternoon, after I took a cool cleansing bath (that was before I had a semi-casual arguement with my mom about going to a cheap salon and cut my hair REAL short, as in like man's hair. I even agreed on going bald.. HaHa but hmmmm, every earthling might disown me as a friend.. Anyway, didn't work out coz money is such a dillio...) I got some scissors, got my used up bristol board, placed it on the floor, and I cut my hair.... And there!

I have Bangs.

Nyahahahahahaha!

And it looks FREAKIN good! It's gewd.. It's Gewd! It's GEWWWDDDdd!

And I guess...

It all just boils down to a single thing..

Change.

Currently listening to: Ghost in the Shell; Brain Powerd
Currently reading: Book 5 Chapter 16

I remember like yesterday, the time of my life...
POSTED AT 03:57 PM

elenahitomi

No classes, but though still preoccupied with lots o' BIG projects, I mean, literally BIG life size mock ups and never ending dillio tech draws.

Model Construction - Actual Size either water dispenser, rice dispenser or refrigerator (and I and my partner chose Water dispenser. Hm! Pretty tough! Buuuuut.. "kaya!")

IND - Chair Design contest (you know what, my prof actually commended my chair and told me that my entry "might" win!) Wow! There goes my determination and sense of competitiveness.....

Plus (ehem, play some senti music. hehehe YAK! kidding), I've got also, well, "other" reasons why I feel like not getting lazy and stubborn. Persons, person.. friend perhaps? (nyehehehehehe..) Nooooo.

Pero wala wala wala wala wala yon! Basta. Pero ang galing kasi niya kaya, I feel na, ayokong magpatalo at gusto ko na makita niya na kaya ko rin na maging magaling sa tech draw. Na kaya ko rin na maging responsableng tao. Na magaling ako. Na kaya ko maging independent, na di lang ako iiyak-iyak basta basta (like I always do.) Yeah I want you to know that (i miss you, i miss you so. ngek. finch a..) Nde. I just would want to let THAT person know how special he is to me. Hello naka isang taon na ng makilala ko sha, makasama. Mejo marami na rin akong na share chuchuchuchuchu.. Tas madalas din tumawag sa bahay, kilala na nga sha dito sa house e, sakto lang. But MY POINT is.... yeah now I can feel a slightly different vibe when I'm around but ofcourse magaling akong magtago. WHOO ako pa.. Buuuuut OKAY i won't ruin our friendship... at sobrang WALANG WALA WALA WALA tlga di pwede di kami talo at wala talaga hanggang friends lang pero ayus lang nakow! Makasama lang kita, wheee! It's SO okay for me, really.

But yeah I really really hope that we can do some sort of "compromise" para lalo tayong magkasundo at SUPER ..este (hmmm) SOBRANG maging maganda ang friendship natin. Sigh* What am I saying.. Mahal kita kaibigan! Ugh. Bakit bakit bakit? Galing galing muuuuu! (kurot!) ( ^_^)pinch! pinch! ( ^_~)< kaw tlguuuhhhh! kuruuuuut! Gigil ako. Ehehe nye. Hehehe ( ^_^)/

And as for the month of September...... WOW ANG DAMING MAGBu BIRTHDAY nubayan, lumbayan nyo ako. Kidding. Di pa nga ako nakakapagbili ng regalo e. Haaay. Cguro, I'll just save up on Christmas then. Hindi na nga bracelets ang bibigay ko, sana mas mahal. Whoo. I like to see people smile when they recieve gifts, that's why. I dunno. And birthdays too! Ang saya.. WHAAAA dami tlgang magbu birthday.! But it's fun! Happy birthday a!!

Sha cge.... Tago na ulit ako.
Bye. Ingat.





P.S. ALeP recommends "Friday Beerday" (read more at www.alifesendpoint.tk) Currently listening to: The Receiving End of Sirens