Entries for October, 2005
October 1st, 2005
Earlier..... POSTED AT 11:14 PM isang taon na. isang taon na. di pa rin sha naaalis sa buong katauhan ko e kaya wala ng saysay pa na alisin pa sha. naka kabit na sa buong katauhan ko ang katauhan nya. wala ng use pa ang tanggalin kasi.. obvious reaction, sakit. It's a part of me now. So tell me how am I going to handle it, I mean.. Hindi "it". Him. Since I can't get him off. Well I'll just have to be strong. If he's become something of a comication in my brain and heart, then I should be strong to do what I should do.. Coz usually, when there's Him, there's a "self-low-bat" effect that I sometimes or usually experience. So I'll just buy batteries and open it up, drink the fluid and maybe I'll just die from poison. Ay mali! Ahaha. I'll just trigger the "self-booster" to boost my self-awareness and get back my lowly self-esteem and not to mention my "self-preservation" coz I love to seclude myself from the world. You'll always see me sitting on a corner beside the window while others are having fun chit-chatting. While I sit in my place thinking that nobody likes me, I'm too different from them. I'm all alone and will be alone forever. Nobody won't even bother to sit beside me coz their too busy with themselves... Masyado akong madrama sa maling lugar, sa maling akala. Sinabi sakin nung friend kong Zodiac. Nyahahaha. Ba't ako ganon? Lord, ba't nyo ako pinanganak ng ganon? Lord, ba't ko ginagawa itong mga kamalian kahit alam ko ng mali? Lord, ba't ako nagdadasal sa blog? Ngek. So ano na. Strong pa rin ba? No use din e. At ba't ang selfish ko? Parati na lang ako, ako, ako, malungkot ako, pansinin nyo ako. Ako ako ako. Bat kayo ganyan sakin? Ako nanaman.. Ako Ako Ako ..... Haay. Pag mag-isa ka pala sa bahay, ganito pala ang feeling. Ay burat. Kailangan ko na ng makakausap! ( -__-)~~~~~ 11:59am Currently feeling: rattled 7 ang sumagot...SA
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October 3rd, 2005
Uhhy Tama na! POSTED AT 09:25 PM Tama na ! ! !nagmumuka ka ng dakilang tanga e. Tama na. Ilang senyales na ang nakita mo. O tamo, dahil pa sa curiosity mo at sa pagkawalang-magawa mo, may nakita ka nanamang senyales. O e ano ba kasi yung sabi ko sa'yo? Mag-aral ka na lang. Di ka naman iniisip nuuun! Tama na! Uuy! Nukaba, exagge ka palagi e. Tama na. Tama na. Muka ka ng tanga, uy. Pramis, Tama na, para sa sarili mo na ring kapakanan a! Pramis? (langya, kinakausap ko na rin ngayon yung sarili ko. Tuluyan na akong naging baliw. WOW.) pero... kahit sabihin nyong tanga ako... well... HINDI AKO TANGA Pu#%@&.....mali.. Tao lang.P.S. ..kasi naiinis ako. Saya. Inis. Saya. Inis. E Langya nagbobolahan lang pala tayo dito e!! Ayyyy. AND YOU THINK THAT YOU WANT EVERYTHING TO TURN OUT BETTER BETWEEN US? Well now, I dunno how I'd feel. I said yesterday that Ill be strong, pero cge strong na lang ulit? Aynako.... EWAN KO SAYO! Ewan! ( >_<) |
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October 8th, 2005
"Zuru-zuru, zuru-zuru..." POSTED AT 11:26 PM antawa kiku no ja nai minna ga natsukashii yo. honto ga natsukashii! watashiwa... watak'shi no nats'kashii dayo ne. i just would like to say how sorry I am for treating you unfairly over the past couple of months. i've made rash decisions and stupid mistakes. If only I could rewind the time. But then, we all know that everything has a reason. and what happened before happened because there is a big reason behind it that we don;t know. Demo ima no ima des. Sosh'te an'tawa ima no kangaeru deshou. Right now, all the guilt comes back to me. I've realized how cruel I had been when I was with you. I was selfish. Forgive me. I was just confused. My mind was playing tricks on me. Gomen kudasai. Onegai de... Now I can't say if I'm still okay. If my mind is still okay. But one of the things that I want to happen is that you show yourself to your friends whom you left behind. They miss you so much. . Kore wa hontoni nats'kashii da yo. Na... Doko dayo? Amerika no naka ni? Dosh'te yobu nai no ka? Ne... Kakurete kara sekai no konomimas'ka? Minna-san wa ai no ja nai da? Uso yo! Don't you care for us that you only contacted a few people? I'm sorry for what I have done. And I guess I won't be expecting any forgiveness from you. I understand. Maybe you left because of me. Maybe you left also because of some other reason. But how should I know? I haven't seen you, heard from you. Doko na no ni??? Gomen ne. Honto ni gomen ne. I feel guilty. Tsumi da ne... And I guess you're feeling happy deep inside coz Karma is taking effect. Well it's okay. Now it's fair. I got hurt to. Well I get hurt a lot of times, and I'm almost immune to the effect. Sigh* If only I'd see you again, then maybe life would be different..... Doko na no? 0 d a k u r a - san wa doko de? Ne... Doko de? Onegaishimas... Miseru onegaishimas... Currently watching: Animax. Advent Children |
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October 10th, 2005
Before I study for exam week.... POSTED AT 05:05 PM last night. nanood pa ako ng The Day After Tomorrow imbis na tapusin ang IND Bike finals plate ko. Ayan, 11 na ako nagressume hanggang 4 pero ang pangit walang kwenta. Di tapos., Bara-bara. Pagdating ko ng school, nagpasa ako.pero yung iba gumagawa. sana pala gumagawa na lang din ako. pero parang tinamad na ako. kaya pinasa ko na lang kahit bara bara. tapos it hit me na finals yun. di ko na mabawi kasi nasa table na ni sir. pwede ko naman bawiin. pero tinamad akong tumayo. nubayun. tapos, hindi ako nakapag-aral sa Theo. Dahil last night panay good time at IND. Nagbasa ako. Okay okay na. Tapos nagkausap kami ni Gian about Pat. Taena napaisip ako tungkol sa kanya, nanaman. Na-miss ko ang loko. Tapos may nabanggit si Gian na baka mag-eenroll sha sa 2nd sem. Pakiramdam ko na parang di mapakali sa tuwa at sigla. Di ko alam kung nagbibiro lang si Gian para makita nya reaction ko. Pero di ko na pinansin yun. Dahil sa sinabi nyang yon, di na ako nakapag-isip ng maayos.... So nag exam na sa Theo. Di na ako makapag-isip ng maayos, kaya kung ano na lang ang sinasagot ko. Iniisip ko si Pat, kung mag-e-enroll ba talaga siya. Iniisip ko na rin na sana lumabas na sha sa "shell" nya kasi di pa rin nagpaparamdam. Nag send ako ng offline message sa kanya pero di pa sha nagrereply hanggang ngayon. Sana valid explanation. Pero wag na lang ako mag expect. Ay oo. Kaya rin hindi ako nakapag-isip ng maayos, dahil dun sa sinabi ni Gian na "(Si pat...) Nakapag-move on na yun..." Hindi ko alam kung good news sakin yun..... Ever since nalaman ko na nawala na sha, di na namin alam kung ano ang nangyari sa kanya... I felt nothing but guilt. ...Na ginawa ko sa kanya yun. Araw-araw (well di naman..) May mga times na.. I'd feel bad about myself for treating him that way. I mean, he's such a funny guy. The way he fans himself using a fan of different shades. The way he criticizes people. The way he draws.... He SO likes to draw and he's good at drawing fishes and animals as well. He's deep broad voice... Lengthy hair. His stair, his smile. His "walk". How can I forget his weird walk! Before na T-T.O. tlga ako sa walk nya. But now, hey, bat ako ma ti T.O.? E lakad nya yon? Yun nga yung nagpapa unique sa kanya... Nako, e kung nabasa ng taong yun ito... Gomen nasai. This won't be a blog for nothing.... This blog is my "online outlet". Sigh* Kung magpakita ka lang ulit...... Hindi ko alam kung ba't gusto kitang makita ulit, makasama ulit.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  Which Gackt are you most like? quiz by  mcvarmaziCurrently reading: Exam stuff Currently watching: Anime |
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October 11th, 2005
A Cold Outcome POSTED AT 06:00 PM hinulaan ko rin yung isa. pero hindi ko na kailangang lapatan pa. Yes, tinatawag na OPEN BOOK itong blog ko pero di naman lahat OPEN. Secret! Yun. So mamaya papahula ako kung papasa ako sa 1st sem. HAHAHAHA. Kinakabahan na ako! MP! Huhuhuhuhuhuhu! Physics! Huhuhuhu! Trigo! Huhuhuhuhu LAHAT! lalo na MP! Lord. Yes yes sobrang sablay ko na. Sobrang sama kong tao. Pero...... Hay. Let you will be done. Kung mag i-ireg ako, there's a reason. Pero kung hindi ako ma-i-ireg, well IT'S ABOUT TIME LANG NAMAN NA I DID SOMETHING WORTHWHILE IN MY LIFE LANG NAMAN E NOH! ( >_<) e kung sa sobrang Lost lang naman ako kaya ako nagkakaganon.. And.. Well... Selfishness... Insecurity.... Hay. Tao lang.Currently watching: Ghost in the Shell ~ Innocence |
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October 12th, 2005
Ignite The Good 'Ol Times POSTED AT 01:00 PM In the depths of my subterranean insides, parang gusto ng magwala ng aking unfathomable self… I’m growing impatient. I want to get to talk to that person again just like old times… And in each passing day, I grow weary because I miss the good old times, when the blanket of blindness did not come in to my life yet… The Blind Blanket. It’s all the Blind Blanket’s fault that made me go blind. Everything was A-O-K when BB showed up and placed a very opaque wall in front of me, blocking my view, blocking the only happiness I ever had. And now that I have overcome The Blind Blanket, with it’s annoying and hurting barrier wall, and have seen the sunlight of what seemed to be a very gleeful day, everything has changed. The Good ‘Ol Times was gone! ALL GONE! DOKO DES’KA??? Suddenly, it just vanished, and haven’t heard about it ever since. Maybe it got really mad at me for sticking to a barrier, for pouring out my useless piece of lifestream in the callous bricked wall made of cold cobalt stone. Dead wall, cold piece of wall with no emotion. Or unless the wall never showed it’s warmth… Never, just a glimpse of introduction. The Blind Blanket… And now The Good ‘Ol Times is gone. And I have no clue WHEN the good ‘ol times would ever make me happy and satisfied and fulfilled again. I miss touching the gentle flowers. I miss smelling the fragrance of daisies and daffodils. I miss the sunlight while gazing at the mountains. And the clouds. And the fresh air. And the cool wind. And the smooth grass that tickle my feet. I miss talking to the ants and the bees. And the birds, and my pet panther and my wolf and fox friends. I miss our daily chit-chat about life. I miss fishing. Most especially fishing. I don’t know why, but fish is a very sumptuous meal... Makes me smile… Made me smile. Fishing. Fish… I listened to fish stories before. It made me sleepy. But fishes can be very interesting aside from eating it. The Good ‘Ol Times. I miss The Good ‘Ol Times!!! I hope it comes back coz now I’m growing impatient. Oh what an alien like me should do so that the good ‘ol times would come back? How? When? Why? When. WHERE??? Crazy. ( -_-)????? ( T_T) ┌ IGNITED ┐yasashii sono yubi ga owari ni fureru toki ima dake kimi dake shinjite mo iin darou? dare mo ga kuzureteku negai wo motome sugite jibun ga ochite yuku basho wo sagashiteru kizutsukete yureru shika dekinai zawameku omoi ga bokura no shinjitsu nara kowareau kara ugokenai sabishii hane kasanete deau hikari no nai jidai no mabushisa wo misete kanashii me no mama de kuchizukete shimau tabi motto zutto motto sotto mamoreru ki ga shita kokoro shika dakishimeru mono no nai kodoku no tochuu de miushinau sekai ga aru kawareru koto ga kowaku naru fukai kodou no saki ni kawasu honoo ni egakareta eien ga mieru… kowareau kara ugokenai sabishii hane kasanete deau hikari no nai jidai no mabushisa dake kawareru chikara osorenai fukai kodou no saki ni kawasu honoo yo egakareta unmei ni todoke. P.S. It's raining hard... ( @_@) The world is angry now. I don't think it's a blessing. If it were, then it would have been more gentle. Or is it gentler? ....And my grammar sucks.. Nyoyyy.... ( >_<) Currently listening to: Ignited; Radio Stream Japan Currently watching: Animax & Hero Currently feeling: ( @_@) |
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October 16th, 2005
May kasamaan din ako. POSTED AT 11:27 PM Belat. |
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October 24th, 2005
Cut my hair again... POSTED AT 12:39 AM Well it's not quite what I've expected, but my hair turned out A-Ok I guess. I know it's so ugly. I looked into the mirror many times and fiddled my hair endlessly just so I could find the right fashionable look.. But oh well.. Why DID I cut my hair? Again? Well the last time I cut my bangs, the reason was because I was, pretty much, sad. And now I cut my HAIR, so that's a big difference.. like 3-4 inches! So does that mean I'm REALLY sad? And I'm REALLY THAT into CHANGE? Again??? I'm not getting anywhere, am i? ( -_-)??? Sigh* (di pa rin nya na-che-check.. sigh* sinabi ng baraha sakin na tantanan ko na rin sha kahit past is past WHAAAAA.. tas sabi ng cards papasa raw ako. ( T_T) mamaya ko na malalaman ang ... Mangyayari sa'kin.) Alam nyo, sobrang ganito na lang ba ka Miserable ang buhay ko? Tanong lang.. ++++++++At oo sasabihin mo sakin na maraming nagmamahal sa'kin tulad mo. Oo salamat, appreciated ko yun. Pero sana maintindihan mo na kahit anong gawin ng tao sakin, kahit ano.. Ako lang din naman ang tanging makakatulong sa sarili ko e. At buong buhay ko ng inaahon ang sarili ko sa emosyonal na kahirapan. Ugh.. Wala na ba talagang katapusan ito? At etong leche.. Lecheng pagsisisi... Isa nanaman ba itong tinatawag na.. Phase?Ayyy, at ang grado ko bukas. Wish ko lang talaga, na papasa ako sa lahat ng subjects ko. Pasensha na Lord, pinagchachagaan nyo ang isang A.D.D. na tulad ako. Ay mali nga pala, may chaga naman kayo talaga e. Ako lang lumalayo sa inyo .... Mahal ko kayo Lord, salamat. Teka napalayo na ata sa buhok ko a. Yung sa, paggupit ko ng buhok.... Oo. Ginupit ko ang buhok ko dahil dahil.... ..dahil.. ... dahil............ ... sa.... .......... UO.. ( T_T) . . .... .. . |
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Sige na nga, SPiL na ako! POSTED AT 01:04 AM MAHAL KITA UO!di ko alam pero naiiyak ako pagka naaalala ko ang ginawa ko noon.. sa'yo and now I'm the one suffering. so I'll just be waiting around like a BAKA no K'SO pretend like I'm happy and all but really, am not coz you're gone.. or acting gone.. (nge baka wala ka lang talagang internet and all.. wakarimash'ta .. but you know, after saying this here? In public? Nothing's gonna change, and nothing good'll happen to me. That's good, right? When I love someone, I disregard myself. But wait a minute, I'm SO hurting right now, and yesterday, and the previous days (when I get the opportunity to indulge myself into the realm of superb anguish and esoteric pain..) oh God! UO! IF YOU'RE READING THIS (w/c doubt ur reading) PLEASE MAGPAKITA KA NA? Nababaliw na talaga ako.. Gusto lang talaga kitang makita, kahit ONCE ka lang lumabas sa kweba mo.. at magpakita.. sa'kin, sa'min.... or basta pakita ka lang. Lord sana makita ko na sha Lord, pero let you're will be done.. HuHu! UO(sensha na di ko pwede masabi pangalan mo ngayon di dahil sa nagbabakasakali ako sa nararamdaman ko para sayo, pero blog issue lang WAPOW kabaliwan na itu..)PAKITA KA NA PLEASE pero ayus lang kung ayaw mo. Okay lang. Sigh* Hirap naman ng buhay na may dala kang pagsisisi OO.. |
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NAIINIS NA AKO!!!!!! POSTED AT 09:54 PM NAIINIS NA AKO SAYO! >=(Okay I feel like you're laughing now. And I'm, yes, stupid na ako. Ahahaha, pa testi testi pa ako sayo and all. Well I'm planning to give you another one, if you don't mind. OH NOTHING, I just don't know what to tell you kasi e, so I'm just gonna give you another lyrical testi. I hope you like it..... ( -_-)@@@@@@@@ Why why why why why...... This is fun, the head spinning, and the nausiating pressure and not to mention.. What?????? THE PAIN? Wheeee I love it. So now i'm gonna look up for the lyrics now HOPE YOU LIKE IT WHICH I'M SURE YOU WON'T COZ YOU'RE IN YOUR CAVE Ooooohhhhhh SO DARK, You're just THERE in your SPACE, your AREA AND GOD KNOWS WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN UP TO EVER SINCE YOU LEFT... LEFT.I'm going mad. All this because of you.... no.. hindi pala. ako..... AKO ANG MAY KASALANAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lord.. |
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October 25th, 2005
Nothing'll happen if I keep doing this... POSTED AT 07:28 PM So.... I haven't recieved any "paramdam" yet.. Let's see, shall I give a deadline? Ano kaya kung.... up until New Year's Eve kaya? Bago mag 2006.. Sa November, or baka next week, magsesend na ako ng email sa kanya, I'll ask him kung galit ba sha or what, coz I feel na he's rejecting me, hiding, I dunno. I'm like this vicious monster SO BAD.. Well I'll talk to him through email. Then kung wala akong na recieve na kahit ano up until New Year's eve, then THAT'S IT. Finitto. Fin. Tapos. Wala na. Entiendes. Vamos. Ehehehe. I'm serious.. Call me crazy but I need a freaking answer. I don't really know kung sino may kasalanan kahit feel ko ako talaga, cge na, take the blame on me. Pero ang pakialam ko lang talaga is.. Get things straight, and tell him I love him pala at sobrang miss na miss na miss na miss ko na siya.. Miiiiissss ko na sha. Sigh, magsasalita pa ba ako dito sa entry na to? Magta-type pa ba ako? I really miss that weird guy. I read the kinds of Fish, lam mo ba yun? Sana nga masabi ko sayo e. Sorry dito ko lang nasasabi. I don't have the courage yet.. Pero ayun, binasa ko yung mga iba't ibang species ng Fish. Grbeh bilib din ako sayo, ang hilig mo talaga. Ako kasi parang inaantok talaga ako hahahahaha. Pero I dunno, willing ako matuto non coz I think it's interesting. Really.. Kaya magre-research ulit ako mamaya.. Pero konti lang. Nakakantok talaga yung iba hahahaha! Haaay. Fish.. At haaaay. Patrick G. Sorry talaga sa ginawa ko. Hope I get the courage to email you soon coz that's the only thing I could contact you in. Haaay. I wish you're doing well wherever you are, saang kweba ka man.. Hope you're eating well, sana masaya ka kahit wala ako sa utak mo, AYUS LANG, basta I always keep the rosary you gave me. Dahil dun sa rosary mo, pumasa ako. Yun yung pinandasal ko hahahahaha! Pramis, effective. Dama ko ang power hahaha ni Alucard. Hahahaaha wow ironic. Tapos.. Nasaakin pala ang clearance mo. If ever kitakits tayo, bibigay ko na lang sayo TEKA LANG PARANG KAUSAP KO SHA A. Hello.. Sa email na lang. Soon. |
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October 26th, 2005
sira ang comp. POSTED AT 10:36 PM sira ang comp pero di naman ako gaanong affected sa pagkawala nito..... sana hindi mabura ang mga files ko. more than 4 years na rin ata yung files ko... dami nun.. mp3's, word files, webpages, pictures, programs.. memories.. hehehe. pero let Your will be done.. nag-ayos ako ng gamit, dahil gusto ko ng aayos yung kwarto ko. Sinabi ko pa sa sarili no ko na aayusin ko ang gamit ko to prove my love for someone. Odiba ang corny.. Siguro nag-isip lang ako ng "initiative" para maayos ko na talaga ang gamit ko. Or paga I really wanted to test myself talaga kung totoong.. Mahal ko siya. Hehehe pero, daanan ba sa pag-ayos ng gamit? Bakit ko nagawa yun? Ba't ko naisipang gawin yun.. Ehehe tanga-tanga.. (fiddling my fingers..) Soo.. ( -_-) Sira ang comp. At ang boring. Msyado na kasi akong attached sa computer e. Awww. Masyado ng mechanized ang utak ko. Oooooh wow ano ako robot? Hindi. Android. Oooooh wateber.. Sira ang comp. Sira ang comp. Sira ang comp. ( -_-) |
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October 27th, 2005
Long email. POSTED AT 08:12 PM (>_<) parang feeling ko mali mali nanaman ginawa ko. Hay pero sabi nya hayaan ko na raw. Pero sabi naman ng friend ko, sobrang TAMA lang daw yung ginawa kong Long email, kasi na express ko naman yung gusto kong sabihin.. Haaaay Pat...... Chineck ko yung grades ko kanina at 2.18 yung Genera; Average ko. Wow ang baba men... Pero thankful na rin ako na ganon.. Huhuhu.... Pero mas makakayanan ko pa naman e kung nagchaga ako .. Haaay. Haaay Pat.......... Tas sira ang comp. Buti na lang bait bait ng dad ko, iniwan nya yung laptop nya na nakabukas. HUHUHHU baet. At nagdadaldal lang ako dito. La ng katapusan. ( -_-) Oh yeah diba I cut my hair. Yehey kasi.. HItomi mode nanaman ako. Hahahaa. Mejo... Hair grows..... |
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October 29th, 2005
MY HEART ! ! !!!!!!!!!! ! ! ! ! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! ! ! POSTED AT 09:42 PM He Got Checked.. - During my enrollment, an attractive young accountant was the one initiating the Assessment. According to my mother's instructions, I should tell the accountant that he/she would write down the amount on the check. Unfortunately he made an erasure. I told him if it's okay and he nodded. Then I just found out from the other girl accountant that my check was void because it was, well, ALTERED. My dad had no choice but to go to my school to fix the check issue. At first I felt REALLY bad for that attractive guy accountant (I often see him in school, he's with the Pep-Squad..) and I saw him again, but this time, he dissappointed me by altering my check. I felt furious, I wasted my time because of his stupid mistake. But then, I realized that.. It was partly my fault. If I only knew those check issues.. I should have been the one who wrote down the amount, so that they won't blame it on him, but on me instead. I felt bad.. I felt.. Guilty again. Why is guilt so necessary in my life at the moment? What's with the sensation of Guilt? Do people enjoy guilt? Goodness.. Well I'm trying to forget what happened, and I DO hope he does too. And I hope they don't scold him or punish him. It was.. My fault. (It has always been, but I didn't know, I was just following orders.. Sigh ..) Pinoy Big Burgers? - actually, No. They aren't "big". Ate lunch at Burger King after enrollment, and I got this burger 2/4 size of my whole hand, SO SMALL MAN. Like, Philippine burgers just keep on getting oh-so teeny-weeny.. Para akong kumain ng Pandesal na sinaksakan lang ng Pechay at Tomatoes at breaded chicken. It had fried and a drink, P81 in all. Well thought so hard, really.. Pano naging P81 ang kapiranggot na meal na yun? Learn from the Old - Went to this house, where the son and daughter of famous artist, Diosdado Lorenzo, lived. It had paintings everywhere.. Nice. So vintage.. and Old. My dad was scanning Lorenzo's articles and magazine clips (he already died, but he's SO great in painting..) Then afterwards, the son (he's old already..) was talking about Politics and Philippines today and all the other Filipino stuff and my dad was buying it so they engaged into deep conversation. And REALLY I was listening (wow that's new..) But no really, I thought the topic was interesting and practical. I couldn't help but think that, if only people would learn from good Old people, and not the BAD old people. Seriously, you can learn A LOT from Good Old People. Really.. Very interesting.. My heart...I came home, and I felt that my heart was rushing, like it was being squeezed... Or let's say.. Thumped by some huge hammer.. I thought I was so nervous. But Nervous of What? Oh yes, I thought, nervous of HiS email. I wanted to check my mailbox as soon as possible, coz my heart won't stop beating in a violent way. I was so ...... so... Frightened of the possibility that.. I would be dissappointed again. I mean.. My day was a semi-wreck coz of the enrollment.. But well going to the Great Dionisio Lorenzo's house was fulfilling.. Then again, when I came home.. there goes my heart beating like mad! Right now I am insisting that this sensation is based on MY own personal meaning, like, I AM the one who puts meaning to what's happening to me. But.. It's as if I couldn't BREATHE just figuring out if my theory's right or wrong. And, well I'm chickening out, actually (wow new word, 'chickening'..) This is NOT good.. I am.. Feeling reckless darn it! I HAVE TO KNOW if he connected to the internet TODAY! WHAT AM I A STALKER?? MY GOODNESS WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????? MY HearT is acting weird tonight.P.S. I said "Bad trip.." and it actually sounded like someone's name.... AGH!!!!! THIS IS MAKING ME CRAZYYYYY! ( T_T) P.P.S. MY HEART is , I think, affecting the connection of this LAPTOP AND I THINK THIS IS A SIGN THAT I SHOULD BACK OFFFF????? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? IT'S GETTING PRETTY HOT, I FEEL HOT, NO! MY ... MY.. MY BREATH.. I CAN'T BREATHE! MY HEART!!! MY HEART'S ALL OVER ME? Am I succombing to the power of the heart? EEW ANG KORNY! PERO TAENA BA'T DI AKO MAPAKALI?????? AKO LANG BA TO? OO LEN, IKAW NGA LANG. PERO PERO PERO PERO PERO.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!~And I think the INternet is evil. EViiiiLLL! And I think I will be the one who's gonna kill all the computers here in the house, because of the Internet... EVILLLLLL.. GUILT AGAIN...... NOOOOOOOOO ! NO MORE SUFFERING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Currently listening to: singing "Nababaliw" by Letter Day Story Currently reading: waiting for an important mail by someone special. sigh ( -_-) Currently watching: A Cinderella Story on HBO Currently feeling: MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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October 30th, 2005
Final Entry. POSTED AT 05:24 PM very last entry. Hindi na po ako magbo-blog online till the time being.. I've decided to let this blog go na rin. Call me crazy, ngunit kasi, I want to start a new, and I think this blog is somewhat of a "past" thing that will burden me.. I want to start a new story in my life, so I'm ending this beautiful book. I really want to start a new. Though I can feel my heart crumple into pieces right now, I want to start a new life, new me. I really do... Now, I can feel my heart piercing, torn into pieces, bruised. And I'm.. nursing my heart by trying to be calm. As much as possible, I'll refrain myself from crying too much...... From now on I'll be strong and responsible.. I do hope I achieve all these goals. I'm quite tired of everything.. But I have to stand firm. Ang dami pang years ahead of me.. So kailangan kong mabuhay at maging malakas para ma endure ang iba pang experiences na sasabak sa buhay ko.. Thank you for this wonderful opportunity. I close this book now. Thank you all for reading. Take care. Goodbye. |
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