October 16th, 2005
May kasamaan din ako. POSTED AT 11:27 PM Belat. Yes? Comments?
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October 12th, 2005
Ignite The Good 'Ol Times POSTED AT 01:00 PM In the depths of my subterranean insides, parang gusto ng magwala ng aking unfathomable self… I’m growing impatient. I want to get to talk to that person again just like old times… And in each passing day, I grow weary because I miss the good old times, when the blanket of blindness did not come in to my life yet… The Blind Blanket. It’s all the Blind Blanket’s fault that made me go blind. Everything was A-O-K when BB showed up and placed a very opaque wall in front of me, blocking my view, blocking the only happiness I ever had. And now that I have overcome The Blind Blanket, with it’s annoying and hurting barrier wall, and have seen the sunlight of what seemed to be a very gleeful day, everything has changed. The Good ‘Ol Times was gone! ALL GONE! DOKO DES’KA??? Suddenly, it just vanished, and haven’t heard about it ever since. Maybe it got really mad at me for sticking to a barrier, for pouring out my useless piece of lifestream in the callous bricked wall made of cold cobalt stone. Dead wall, cold piece of wall with no emotion. Or unless the wall never showed it’s warmth… Never, just a glimpse of introduction. The Blind Blanket… And now The Good ‘Ol Times is gone. And I have no clue WHEN the good ‘ol times would ever make me happy and satisfied and fulfilled again. I miss touching the gentle flowers. I miss smelling the fragrance of daisies and daffodils. I miss the sunlight while gazing at the mountains. And the clouds. And the fresh air. And the cool wind. And the smooth grass that tickle my feet. I miss talking to the ants and the bees. And the birds, and my pet panther and my wolf and fox friends. I miss our daily chit-chat about life. I miss fishing. Most especially fishing. I don’t know why, but fish is a very sumptuous meal... Makes me smile… Made me smile. Fishing. Fish… I listened to fish stories before. It made me sleepy. But fishes can be very interesting aside from eating it. The Good ‘Ol Times. I miss The Good ‘Ol Times!!! I hope it comes back coz now I’m growing impatient. Oh what an alien like me should do so that the good ‘ol times would come back? How? When? Why? When. WHERE??? Crazy. ( -_-)????? ( T_T) ┌ IGNITED ┐yasashii sono yubi ga owari ni fureru toki ima dake kimi dake shinjite mo iin darou? dare mo ga kuzureteku negai wo motome sugite jibun ga ochite yuku basho wo sagashiteru kizutsukete yureru shika dekinai zawameku omoi ga bokura no shinjitsu nara kowareau kara ugokenai sabishii hane kasanete deau hikari no nai jidai no mabushisa wo misete kanashii me no mama de kuchizukete shimau tabi motto zutto motto sotto mamoreru ki ga shita kokoro shika dakishimeru mono no nai kodoku no tochuu de miushinau sekai ga aru kawareru koto ga kowaku naru fukai kodou no saki ni kawasu honoo ni egakareta eien ga mieru… kowareau kara ugokenai sabishii hane kasanete deau hikari no nai jidai no mabushisa dake kawareru chikara osorenai fukai kodou no saki ni kawasu honoo yo egakareta unmei ni todoke. P.S. It's raining hard... ( @_@) The world is angry now. I don't think it's a blessing. If it were, then it would have been more gentle. Or is it gentler? ....And my grammar sucks.. Nyoyyy.... ( >_<) Currently listening to: Ignited; Radio Stream Japan Currently watching: Animax & Hero Currently feeling: ( @_@) |
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October 11th, 2005
A Cold Outcome POSTED AT 06:00 PM hinulaan ko rin yung isa. pero hindi ko na kailangang lapatan pa. Yes, tinatawag na OPEN BOOK itong blog ko pero di naman lahat OPEN. Secret! Yun. So mamaya papahula ako kung papasa ako sa 1st sem. HAHAHAHA. Kinakabahan na ako! MP! Huhuhuhuhuhuhu! Physics! Huhuhuhu! Trigo! Huhuhuhuhu LAHAT! lalo na MP! Lord. Yes yes sobrang sablay ko na. Sobrang sama kong tao. Pero...... Hay. Let you will be done. Kung mag i-ireg ako, there's a reason. Pero kung hindi ako ma-i-ireg, well IT'S ABOUT TIME LANG NAMAN NA I DID SOMETHING WORTHWHILE IN MY LIFE LANG NAMAN E NOH! ( >_<) e kung sa sobrang Lost lang naman ako kaya ako nagkakaganon.. And.. Well... Selfishness... Insecurity.... Hay. Tao lang.Currently watching: Ghost in the Shell ~ Innocence |
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October 10th, 2005
Before I study for exam week.... POSTED AT 05:05 PM last night. nanood pa ako ng The Day After Tomorrow imbis na tapusin ang IND Bike finals plate ko. Ayan, 11 na ako nagressume hanggang 4 pero ang pangit walang kwenta. Di tapos., Bara-bara. Pagdating ko ng school, nagpasa ako.pero yung iba gumagawa. sana pala gumagawa na lang din ako. pero parang tinamad na ako. kaya pinasa ko na lang kahit bara bara. tapos it hit me na finals yun. di ko na mabawi kasi nasa table na ni sir. pwede ko naman bawiin. pero tinamad akong tumayo. nubayun. tapos, hindi ako nakapag-aral sa Theo. Dahil last night panay good time at IND. Nagbasa ako. Okay okay na. Tapos nagkausap kami ni Gian about Pat. Taena napaisip ako tungkol sa kanya, nanaman. Na-miss ko ang loko. Tapos may nabanggit si Gian na baka mag-eenroll sha sa 2nd sem. Pakiramdam ko na parang di mapakali sa tuwa at sigla. Di ko alam kung nagbibiro lang si Gian para makita nya reaction ko. Pero di ko na pinansin yun. Dahil sa sinabi nyang yon, di na ako nakapag-isip ng maayos.... So nag exam na sa Theo. Di na ako makapag-isip ng maayos, kaya kung ano na lang ang sinasagot ko. Iniisip ko si Pat, kung mag-e-enroll ba talaga siya. Iniisip ko na rin na sana lumabas na sha sa "shell" nya kasi di pa rin nagpaparamdam. Nag send ako ng offline message sa kanya pero di pa sha nagrereply hanggang ngayon. Sana valid explanation. Pero wag na lang ako mag expect. Ay oo. Kaya rin hindi ako nakapag-isip ng maayos, dahil dun sa sinabi ni Gian na "(Si pat...) Nakapag-move on na yun..." Hindi ko alam kung good news sakin yun..... Ever since nalaman ko na nawala na sha, di na namin alam kung ano ang nangyari sa kanya... I felt nothing but guilt. ...Na ginawa ko sa kanya yun. Araw-araw (well di naman..) May mga times na.. I'd feel bad about myself for treating him that way. I mean, he's such a funny guy. The way he fans himself using a fan of different shades. The way he criticizes people. The way he draws.... He SO likes to draw and he's good at drawing fishes and animals as well. He's deep broad voice... Lengthy hair. His stair, his smile. His "walk". How can I forget his weird walk! Before na T-T.O. tlga ako sa walk nya. But now, hey, bat ako ma ti T.O.? E lakad nya yon? Yun nga yung nagpapa unique sa kanya... Nako, e kung nabasa ng taong yun ito... Gomen nasai. This won't be a blog for nothing.... This blog is my "online outlet". Sigh* Kung magpakita ka lang ulit...... Hindi ko alam kung ba't gusto kitang makita ulit, makasama ulit.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  Which Gackt are you most like? quiz by  mcvarmaziCurrently reading: Exam stuff Currently watching: Anime |
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October 8th, 2005
"Zuru-zuru, zuru-zuru..." POSTED AT 11:26 PM antawa kiku no ja nai minna ga natsukashii yo. honto ga natsukashii! watashiwa... watak'shi no nats'kashii dayo ne. i just would like to say how sorry I am for treating you unfairly over the past couple of months. i've made rash decisions and stupid mistakes. If only I could rewind the time. But then, we all know that everything has a reason. and what happened before happened because there is a big reason behind it that we don;t know. Demo ima no ima des. Sosh'te an'tawa ima no kangaeru deshou. Right now, all the guilt comes back to me. I've realized how cruel I had been when I was with you. I was selfish. Forgive me. I was just confused. My mind was playing tricks on me. Gomen kudasai. Onegai de... Now I can't say if I'm still okay. If my mind is still okay. But one of the things that I want to happen is that you show yourself to your friends whom you left behind. They miss you so much. . Kore wa hontoni nats'kashii da yo. Na... Doko dayo? Amerika no naka ni? Dosh'te yobu nai no ka? Ne... Kakurete kara sekai no konomimas'ka? Minna-san wa ai no ja nai da? Uso yo! Don't you care for us that you only contacted a few people? I'm sorry for what I have done. And I guess I won't be expecting any forgiveness from you. I understand. Maybe you left because of me. Maybe you left also because of some other reason. But how should I know? I haven't seen you, heard from you. Doko na no ni??? Gomen ne. Honto ni gomen ne. I feel guilty. Tsumi da ne... And I guess you're feeling happy deep inside coz Karma is taking effect. Well it's okay. Now it's fair. I got hurt to. Well I get hurt a lot of times, and I'm almost immune to the effect. Sigh* If only I'd see you again, then maybe life would be different..... Doko na no? 0 d a k u r a - san wa doko de? Ne... Doko de? Onegaishimas... Miseru onegaishimas... Currently watching: Animax. Advent Children |
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October 3rd, 2005
Uhhy Tama na! POSTED AT 09:25 PM Tama na ! ! !nagmumuka ka ng dakilang tanga e. Tama na. Ilang senyales na ang nakita mo. O tamo, dahil pa sa curiosity mo at sa pagkawalang-magawa mo, may nakita ka nanamang senyales. O e ano ba kasi yung sabi ko sa'yo? Mag-aral ka na lang. Di ka naman iniisip nuuun! Tama na! Uuy! Nukaba, exagge ka palagi e. Tama na. Tama na. Muka ka ng tanga, uy. Pramis, Tama na, para sa sarili mo na ring kapakanan a! Pramis? (langya, kinakausap ko na rin ngayon yung sarili ko. Tuluyan na akong naging baliw. WOW.) pero... kahit sabihin nyong tanga ako... well... HINDI AKO TANGA Pu#%@&.....mali.. Tao lang.P.S. ..kasi naiinis ako. Saya. Inis. Saya. Inis. E Langya nagbobolahan lang pala tayo dito e!! Ayyyy. AND YOU THINK THAT YOU WANT EVERYTHING TO TURN OUT BETTER BETWEEN US? Well now, I dunno how I'd feel. I said yesterday that Ill be strong, pero cge strong na lang ulit? Aynako.... EWAN KO SAYO! Ewan! ( >_<) |
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October 1st, 2005
Earlier..... POSTED AT 11:14 PM isang taon na. isang taon na. di pa rin sha naaalis sa buong katauhan ko e kaya wala ng saysay pa na alisin pa sha. naka kabit na sa buong katauhan ko ang katauhan nya. wala ng use pa ang tanggalin kasi.. obvious reaction, sakit. It's a part of me now. So tell me how am I going to handle it, I mean.. Hindi "it". Him. Since I can't get him off. Well I'll just have to be strong. If he's become something of a comication in my brain and heart, then I should be strong to do what I should do.. Coz usually, when there's Him, there's a "self-low-bat" effect that I sometimes or usually experience. So I'll just buy batteries and open it up, drink the fluid and maybe I'll just die from poison. Ay mali! Ahaha. I'll just trigger the "self-booster" to boost my self-awareness and get back my lowly self-esteem and not to mention my "self-preservation" coz I love to seclude myself from the world. You'll always see me sitting on a corner beside the window while others are having fun chit-chatting. While I sit in my place thinking that nobody likes me, I'm too different from them. I'm all alone and will be alone forever. Nobody won't even bother to sit beside me coz their too busy with themselves... Masyado akong madrama sa maling lugar, sa maling akala. Sinabi sakin nung friend kong Zodiac. Nyahahaha. Ba't ako ganon? Lord, ba't nyo ako pinanganak ng ganon? Lord, ba't ko ginagawa itong mga kamalian kahit alam ko ng mali? Lord, ba't ako nagdadasal sa blog? Ngek. So ano na. Strong pa rin ba? No use din e. At ba't ang selfish ko? Parati na lang ako, ako, ako, malungkot ako, pansinin nyo ako. Ako ako ako. Bat kayo ganyan sakin? Ako nanaman.. Ako Ako Ako ..... Haay. Pag mag-isa ka pala sa bahay, ganito pala ang feeling. Ay burat. Kailangan ko na ng makakausap! ( -__-)~~~~~ 11:59am Currently feeling: rattled |
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September 15th, 2005
"I want to put your fire out..." POSTED AT 11:44 PM Is it me! Is it me, really. Coz I don't know kung ako ba yung may problem or siya. Yes you whom I consider my friend but just this friend for the sake of sheer company "only". Yes you, who just Loooooves to laugh and tell all sorts of jokes. Yes you, who never fails to catch a girl's attention. Yes you, staying the way you are.. Which makes me more pissed by each passing time.... Hindi ko kasi alam kung bigla ka nalang maiilang sa akin. Kapag sa ibang tao, okok ka naman, pero pagdating sa'kin, parang mag-iiba ang pkikitungo mo sa'kin. Tapos.. NEVER kang nag-open up ng mga personal na bagay, lalo na sa akin. Sa iba nag-o-open up ka pa, dun pa sa mga taong kinaaasaran mo at hilig mong asarin kapagka nakatalikod na.. Anukaba.. Matanong lang kung sinong niloloko mo? Ako hindi ko alam kung ikaw ang nakikipag gaguhan o ako e. Dahil ba nagkagusto ako sa'yo noon kaya malaking factor yun sa pag-iba mo ng pakikisalamuha sa akin? Ano na ba ang tingin mo sa'kin ngayon a? Ano ba ang tingin mo sa akin? Ba't madalas, minsan, iba talaga ang pakikitungo mo sa akin? Bakit? BAKIT???? Sinubukan ko ngmag-inarte, as if, normal-normal na lang ang mga bagay-bagay. I tried my hardest to laugh at your jokes and be one with you guys. Pero kanina.. Nag trigger lang yung galit ko sa kalooban ko: Ano ba ako? Feeling ko minsan, I don't exist e. PARANG IMBISIBOL lang ako e! ANG WEIRD MO! ANUKABA SNAP OUT OF IT NGA! Ba't ano ka ba? Kaya, nakakaburaot na minsan pumasok e. Ikaw ang isa.. ISA sa mga rason kung bakit ayokong pumasok sa paaralan matalinghaga.. Isa sa mga rason kung bakit napapa-kwestyon ako sa katauhan ko. Sinabi nga sa akin ng matalik kong kaibigan at kaklase na huwag na lang akong magpaapekto sa mga iniisip ng iba. Sinubukan ko na iyo at ginawa. Hindi ko nagawa. Ano.. Ako ba ang kahihinatnan ng pagkakamaling yaon? Hay.. Nako!.. Ikaw..... Sigh*...... Friday bukas at dadalhin ko na ang gift mo. Nagdadalawang isip nga ako kung ibibigay ko ang gift sa'yo e. Ang possible outcome na naiisip ko ay: Tatanggapin mo ang regalo ko pero hindi mo magugustuhan, pagtatawanan mo lang o di kaya makokornihan ka sa regalo ko. O di kaya hindi mo papakita sa sakin na ayaw mo ang regalo ko kaya gagawin mo na lang itong basahan.... HIndi ko alam e. Naiinis lang ako sa sitwasyon. Parang ibang iba lang ako sa inyong lahat. Ibang-iba ako sa mga magagandang mata mo! Kapag ako'y napuno, baka bitawan ko na ng kusa e. Hindi sa nananakot ako (which I'm almost am doing..) Pero may limit din ako.... Pasalamat ka na hinabaan ko ang pasensha ko sa'yo. Impatient pa naman ako.. Pero dahil mahal kita as a friend e, pinagpapasensyahan ko na lang ang lahat lahat e at nagpapakatanga na lang if ever na ginagago mo talaga ako. Ano ba talaga a? ****** ***** ano ba TALAGA? Currently feeling: parang gusto ng magmura.. |
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September 13th, 2005
Anong tagalog ng Unfair, Daya? POSTED AT 11:20 PM Nakfuta... ANG DAMING LAMOWK! Lumbayan nyo ako! Gahr! Anyway... Ba't ganon? Gusto mong mag-open up sa'yo ang isa mong friend pero never naman nyang ginawa. Diba parang ang Unfair non? Napaisip lang ako e. Kung sana mag-open up lang kahit papano e masaya-saya naman ang kalooban ko kasi friend ko na siya, edi mas pagandahin pa ang friendship kung nakapag-share ng mga personal stuff. para hindi na lang lagi biruan at gaguhan at musika at kultura, o kung ano man. Mga personal naman.... Pero.... Well.... Iniisip ko na lang na marami naman akong kaibigan sa mundo. Well sa paligid lang pala.... Marami naman ang nagtitiwala sa akin at buong pusong nagshe-share ng mga problems nila.... Kahit papano.. Kahit hindi 100% complete... e pwede na yun! KSP lang kasi talaga ako. Nakakatuwa naman ang katauhan ko. Sarap batukan. Nyenyenyenye... ( ^_^) At salamat nga pala sa friend kong malupet sa.. basta malupet, lam mo na kung sino ka. Binabasa mo pala blog ko ha! Well o well binasa ko rin naman yung sayo dati but don't worry, hindi naman ako tumawa ng malakas after reading your entries. I thought na it was quite interesting. Well blogs are an interesting reading material, don't you all agree? Lalo na kung ano.. Basta it's nice to read! Yehey. Malapit na akong matapos sa Harry POtter, speaking of reading.... Nakakainis si Professor Umbridge! Sana nagkatuluyan na lang sila ni Harry Potter at Cho Chang. Hala labo. Joke lang. Ba't ganon.... Ayoko ng isipin na unfair ang sitwasyon ko. Isipin ko na lang ang facts na: I can't get everything I want. And.... Plus, I'll just love my friends so much and be sensitive enough to just care for them... Be there, not just sitting in a corner (like what I do..) And stare at the window, gazing at the green green green green (oo na berde na ehehehe..) green grass and lofty trees... I really like staying beside a window coz I like looking at the sky and the trees and nature, and the skyscrapers. Makes me feel calm and relaxed. Makes me feel away from old hag problems. Makes me.... O SIGE NA TAMA NA nakakaantok na ito! Yehey. Blog blog blog. What good does it do to me? Nyehehehe ang sama ko. Layla lay GARRRR LAMOK! ( T_T) WHAAAAAA naiinis na ako! Sa lamok a. (attempting to kill a Lamok) PAK!whahahaha nakapatay akong isa... well like 10 to go? Ick! T.O. naman.. Goodnight everyone! Keep safe ingat kitakits. P.S. Haaay school nanaman, same old same old nanaman. Ayyyy. |
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